Through the Veil And Black Again
by justin.jossart
Summary: Sirius Black vanished through the Veil of Death in the DoM. However, not even the other side could stand him for long. The Veil spits him back out in a sixteen year old body with no memory of the past twenty years. Look out Hogwarts, Padfoot is back! Eventually Sirius/Hermione.
1. Chapter 1: Through the Veil, Back Again

**A/N:** And here's my new brain child! Almost every Hermione/Sirius story I've read has been a "Hermione travels back to the Marauder's Era" fic, and I hope to bring something new to the pairing. I've always liked the Hermione/Sirius pairing, simply because Ron is kind of like Padfoot-Lite.

Oh and if I mess up an insignificant detail (like what floor the Transfiguration classroom is on, or what year Sirius started Hogwarts), please don't bother reviewing just to nitpick. Big mistakes and errors in plot or characterization are fine to pick at, but the correct wand motion for _Protego_ is unimportant. If it helps, just consider it AU if you have to.

/End Rambling Author's Note That No One is going to Read

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT…. Oh wait. I'm not a member of Team Four Star. If you recognize it, I don't own it and I'm not making any money off of it.**

 **Line Break**

 **Through the Veil… and Black Again – by**

 **Chapter One: Through the Veil… and Back Again**

* * *

Sirius Orion Black followed his fellow Order members through the dark Atrium. Their footsteps echoed off the marble walls; all pretense of stealth long forgotten. Harry Potter, his godson, his best friend's legacy, was in danger. Sirius didn't spare a glance for the golden Fountain of Magical Brethren; he was focused solely on the gated lifts at the far end of the marble hall.

When Snape had informed the Order of the Phoenix that Harry might have gone to Department of Mysteries, Sirius had been raring to go. His impatience had grown with each second wasted, first confirming that Harry wasn't at Hogwarts, and then gathering members of the Order to mount a rescue mission. Kingsley and Moody had suggested that he stay behind to man Headquarters, but Sirius had just snarled in reply. There was no way in _hell_ that he would sit on his ass while Harry was in danger.

The group finally reached the lifts, and Kingsley calmly pressed the "call" button with his wand. A full ten seconds passed before Sirius lost patience. "Come on, you stupid piece of shit!" He snarled, jamming the button repeatedly. What was taking the bloody thing so long?

The other Order members just averted their gaze and shuffled their feet awkwardly. Sirius knew that his impatience was one of the reasons that Moody hadn't wanted him on this particular operation. The old Auror had used the terms "emotionally compromised" and "loose cannon." Sirius had almost punched him. Didn't they get it? Harry was _his_ responsibility. For all they knew, the boy could be dying. Just like James.

Finally, the lift arrived. The rescue team filed into the cramped elevator. It was a tight fit with so many people, but none of the Order members wanted to stay behind and wait for a second lift. Tonks, his cousin, pressed the button for Level 9, and the iron gates shuddered closed as the lift began to move with agonizing slowness.

Sirius silently wished that he'd brought the enchanted mirror with him, but immediately scratched that idea. Harry wouldn't have had his on him. Sirius had been looking forward to chatting with his godson over the mirrors, and had been slightly hurt when Harry never seemed to have his. There were times when Sirius doubted that his godson had even unwrapped the gift. When he first found out that Harry wasn't at school, the old dog had repeatedly tried to contact the boy. It had turned out to be a vain effort.

Maybe Harry had an issue with mirrors? If Harry truly believed that he, Sirius, was being held captive in the Department of Mysteries, why hadn't he at least used the enchanted mirrors to double check? After all, Sirius never went anywhere without his, just in case Harry decided to call. Whatever the reason, Sirius didn't care. He'd have plenty of time to question Harry later. Now he just wanted his godson safe.

"Level 9: Department of Mysteries," a soothing female voice called from overhead as the elevator ground to a halt. Sirius was out of the lift the moment the doors opened, roughly shoving past Kingsley in the process. The large man said nothing.

The Order moved down the empty corridor and approached a large wooden door at the end. It opened with a loud groan as Sirius pushed against it. The group found themselves in a circular room, lined with a dozen wooden doors identical to the one through which they had entered. The moment Moody closed the door behind them, the entire room started spinning. Sirius closed his eyes, fighting off an intense wave of dizziness. After a few moments, the spinning finally slowed.

"I wonder which door we should use," Remus said, eyeing each in turn. As one, the group turned to Mad-Eye.

"Why are you lot staring at me? I don't know my bloody way around this place."

Tonks crossed her arms. "You are the ranking Order member here. It's your decision."

"We don't have time for this!" Sirius shouted, drawing everyone's attention. He strode towards a door at random and yanked it open.

"Huh." He could only stare, unable to comprehend what his eyes showed him. A man, dressed in Death Eater garb, was lying on the floor. However, this "man" had an infant's head on his shoulders and was kicking and screaming. His arms were rhythmically beating the floor as he threw a tantrum.

"Do you think he soiled himself?" Tonks wondered. "Maybe he needs his nappy changed."

"Be my guest," Moody replied gruffly. "This isn't the right room."

Sirius backed out of the room, leaving the door standing open. "Try another one."

The Order gathered around a second door, and Moody opened it. Sirius peered over the smaller man's shoulder to get a good look at the room. It was dimly lit, and Sirius had trouble seeing the walls. Stone benches ran around the room like a Muggle auditorium, each bench lower than the last, descending about twenty feet towards an open stone floor. On a dais in the center of the room, unsupported, stood a crumbling archway with a tattered black curtain that fluttered softly, as though it had just been walked through.

However, Sirius wasn't paying attention to the dais or the archway. His gaze was focused solely on a pair of teenage boys scrambling in their direction. One boy with brown hair and a round face was being supported by the other, a scrawny boy with untidy black hair. Sirius sighed in relief. There were sounds of battle going on elsewhere in the room, but Sirius didn't care. Harry was alive.

"GO!" Moody roared, and the Order exploded into action, firing curses at men and women shrouded in black robes and silver masks. The Death Eaters returned fire, focusing on the new threat. Sirius could see several school children ducking for cover. One Death Eater stood over Harry and his friend, firing curses at the two boys.

With a growl, Sirius sprinted at the Death Eater, tackling him to the ground. They wrestled for a moment before Sirius gained the upper hand and started raining blows on the Death Eater, recognizing the man as Antonin Dolohov.

"Don't. You. Ever. Touch. My. Godson!" He shouted, punctuating each word with another punch, stopping only when Dolohov lost consciousness. Breathing heavily, Sirius fumbled for his wand and stumbled to his feet before turning to Harry and Neville.

"Are you alright?" Both boys nodded. "Go. Hide. I'll be right back." Harry and Neville ducked behind a nearby bench, and Sirius was finally able to concentrate on the rest of the battle. Moody was down. Kingsley and Moony were back to back, battling three Death Eaters. Tonks was dueling Bellatrix Lestrange on the dais in the center of the room.

Sirius paused for a moment, trying to decide who needed his help more. The decision was made for him when Tonks stumbled over her own feet, giving Bellatrix the upper hand. Sirius sprinted towards his cousins, casting a hail of stunners at Bellatrix to keep her from going for the kill. Bellatrix returned fire with a snarled 'Avada Kadavra!', but Sirius was able to duck beneath the jet of green light and leapt nimbly atop the stone dais.

The battle was almost a blur to Sirius. He'd always had Bellatrix's number, but she had vastly improved since the last time he'd fought her. It didn't help that she was casting Unforgivables while he was sticking to the tried and true trinity of _Stupefy, Petrificus Totalus,_ and _Reducto_ curses.

Sirius smirked. When would these Death Eaters learn? The Killing Curse had too long of a casting time and was too slow to be useful in a duel. Its only upside was that it was unblockable, though a nimble opponent could easily dodge it. Most of the curse's effectiveness came from its intimidation factor. He let out a bark of laughter as he ducked beneath another Killing Curse. He barely had time to see the crimson jet of light before it slammed into his chest and knocked him off his feet.

Clever girl. She'd worked him into a false sense of superiority before hitting him with a basic stunner.

"Sirius!" Harry's voice was the last thing that Sirius heard before the world went black.

* * *

Remus stood in front of the stone archway in silence. It had been an hour since the battle had ended, and the enormous room was empty, cold and dark. The last Marauder couldn't believe the night's events; they were like something from some horrible nightmare. Death Eaters in the Ministry of Magic, Sirius had died, and Harry had been forced to fight Voldemort again. The war had officially begun, and the side of Light had lost a great champion. Remus held little doubt that Lucius Malfoy and the other Death Eaters would be free in a matter of days, but nothing could bring back Sirius Black.

Remus had never felt so alone in his life. He was the last Marauder standing. Prongs had died almost fifteen years ago, betrayed by Wormtail. Now Padfoot was gone, too. Moony blinked rapidly, trying to forcefully hold back a few tears. They didn't even have a body to bury.

Moony played Sirius's last moments over and over in his mind. If only Padfoot had been standing a foot to either side, or if the stunning spell had caught him at a slightly different angle, he would have simply been stunned, not thrown through the veil. It seemed like the infamous Black luck had finally run out.

With an angry shout, Remus punched the stone archway with as much strength as he could muster, an action he immediately regretted as pain shot through his hand and forearm. The aging werewolf felt cheated. He couldn't even bury his friend. Minister Fudge, in his infinite wisdom, decided to posthumously exonerate Sirius of all charges that had been filed against him and there was even talk of an Order of Merlin for his "heroic sacrifice." Remus snorted, knowing how little his friend would have cared for such an award. He would have made some joke about it and stuffed it on an unused shelf to collect dust.

Moony turned to the sound of footsteps. Nymphadora Tonks had stopped a few feet away from the dais, her eyes red and swollen. Her bubblegum hair was in disarray and there was a tear in her robes from ankle to knee.

"Remus, I'm sorry." Her voice, usually filled with life, was sullen and soft.

"It's not your fault," he replied curtly, turning back to the archway.

He heard her take another step towards him. "It is, though. If she hadn't beaten me, if I weren't so bloody clumsy…"

"Better witches and wizards than you have been bested by Bellatrix. She's the most powerful dark witch since Morgana." Remus couldn't believe it. How had this turned into _him_ comforting _her_? He took a deep breath to steady himself. It wasn't her fault. She was young, inexperienced. He suspected that this was her first true taste of defeat.

"Remus…"

"Please, Nymphadora. Just go."

"O-okay." He heard her start to leave, and his ever-present guilt started to gnaw at him. She didn't deserve such a cold dismissal.

"Tonks, wait. I'm-" Remus halted midsentence. What the hell _was_ that? He whirled back towards the archway. It almost sounded like someone was yelling. The sound was steadily getting louder.

"What is it?" Tonks asked, climbing awkwardly upon the dais. Remus held out a hand, silencing her. Her mouth shut with an audible _click_.

The noise from the archway grew louder still, though there was a slight echo to it. Lightning startled to crackle around the edges, casting the entire hall in brilliant flashes of blue light. The dark, slightly transparent veil started to flap as if caught in a windstorm. Then, with a blinding flash of light, a small missile hurled itself from the archway, slamming into Remus. The old werewolf was thrown from the dais, landing painfully on the stone floor of the hall. The object from the veil was laying heavily on him, and Remus pushed it off of him with a grunt of effort.

The grating noise of cracking stone drew his attention. The archway was collapsing in on itself. The runes along the edge were glowing brightly in every color of the rainbow, emitting so much magic that Moony could almost taste it. An unnatural wind blew through Remus's graying hair as he watched the ancient portal dissolve into nothing more than a pile of stone on the floor.

"I swear, I didn't touch _anything!_ " Tonks stated firmly, her eyes wide.

Remus didn't bother replying. Instead, he was studying the object that had flown from the now destroyed archway. It was a person, no, a boy. He looked to be about fifteen or sixteen, with shaggy hair that was so dark a brown it may as well have been black. Remus just stared. His mouth opened and closed a few times, though the words refused to come. Finally he found his voice.

"Sirius?"

* * *

Hermione Granger hated the Medical Wing of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had despised the place ever since her First Year, when one of her best friends, Harry Potter, had been injured saving the Sorcerer's Stone. He had spent several days here, and Hermione had worried herself sick at his bedside. Over the years Harry had spent a lot of time under the care of the school Healer, Madame Pomfrey, whether it be from Dementors or Bludgers. Thinking on it, Hermione couldn't remember Harry going a single term without suffering a critical injury.

The Infirmary was nothing more than a large room lined with hospital beds. Each of the beds had privacy curtains that could be easily pulled closed at a moment's notice. According to _**Hogwarts, A History**_ , the curtains around each bed had a strong silencing charm placed upon them so that patients could rest without being disturbed by outside noises.

Hermione was the room's only occupant; Madame Pomfrey was in a small office just off the main room. Neville had already left, his broken nose taking the matron no more than a moment to heal. She had tried to keep the boy overnight, but he had politely declined. Ron Weasley, Hermione's other best friend, was at St. Mungo's, wizarding Britain's version of a hospital. He had been attacked by a giant brain during the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, and his injuries had apparently been too severe for Madame Pomfrey to handle. Hermione idly wondered why she hadn't been taken to St. Mungo's as well.

She had been hit by a Dark curse during the battle, some variation of the Cutting Curse. The injury was still tender, though it didn't hurt too much anymore. Madame Pomfrey had told her that the scar would fade in time, though it would never completely disappear. Hermione was just thankful that the curse had struck her torso and not her face. She wasn't vain by any means, but she shivered at the prospect of walking around scarred like Mad-Eye Moody.

The door to the Infirmary suddenly slammed open, causing Hermione to jump. She craned her neck to see Professor Lupin pushing his way through the door. He was carrying someone in his arms, though Hermione couldn't tell who it was.

"Poppy!" Lupin called, his voice hoarse. "I need you!" The elderly matron came bustling from her office, her cloak billowing behind her. She had a slightly cross look on her face, though it disappeared once she saw the boy in the ex-professor's arms.

"What happened?" She asked calmly, guiding Lupin to the bed across from Hermione. The werewolf gingerly laid the boy on the bed before speaking.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I hardly believe it myself." Hermione had never seen him so agitated. He didn't seem upset, but he wasn't quite happy, either. She was normally able to read people, but she had no idea what was going through the werewolf's head.

Madame Pomfrey took a closer look at her new patient. "Merlin's beard. Remus, is this…?"

"Yes."

"But… How?"

Remus ran a hand through his chestnut hair. "I have no idea."

"Tell me everything," Pomfrey demanded, casting a few diagnostic charms.

"Sorry, I should probably talk to Dumbledore. He doesn't know." With that, Lupin practically sprinted from the room, leaving the wooden door slightly ajar.

Hermione was torn. Curiosity over this unknown boy was currently eating away at her, but she knew better than to ask Pomfrey any questions. They would go unanswered and just annoy the Healer. Besides, the matron had seemed to forget about Hermione altogether. If she played like she was sleeping, she might overhear something. Hermione quickly closed her eyes and started controlling her breathing.

Less than ten minutes passed before she heard voices from the slightly open doorway. She couldn't make out exactly what was being said, but she definitely heard both Lupin's and Professor Dumbledore's voices. The door creaked open, and Hermione could finally make out what was being said.

"Remarkable," Dumbledore's voice sounded slightly awestruck. "He should have died." If Hermione didn't know better, she almost thought that he sounded disappointed. "Has he said anything?"

Madame Pomfrey's voice answered him. "No. He's been unconscious since he arrived. Oddly enough, he was stunned. I used the counter-curse, but he didn't regain consciousness. Besides that, he's perfectly healthy."

"Apart from the obvious," Remus said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. His voice softened. "What do we tell Harry?" Hermione twitched at the mention of her friend's name. Her curiosity was growing.

"Nothing," Dumbledore replied, his voice even. "There's no need to give him false hope until we know for sure that he'll recover."

"He deserves to know…" Remus began.

"He will, when we have something to tell him." Dumbledore cut him off. "I'll tell him myself, you have my word. However, he's been through enough for one night, and it can wait until morning when we know more. Poppy, please inform me the moment there's any change in his condition."

"Of course, Albus, though I think I may be a little out of my depth here. I've never treated anything like this before."

"I'm sure you'll perform admirably. Remus, come with me. I'll want to see your memory for myself. It may hold clues to his… illness."

The Headmaster and Lupin left, closing the solid oak door behind them.

"Pompous, arrogant… 'I'm sure you'll perform admirably.'" Madame Pomfrey mocked after they had left. "He should be in St. Mungo's. This is definitely out of my wheelhouse."

Hermione listened to Madame Pomfrey complain all the way to her office. She waited until the door had closed before she opened her eyes. According to her sources, Madame Pomfrey was very free with her Dreamless Sleep Potions, and the last thing Hermione wanted to do was sleep.

Slowly, the brunette slid from her bed, wincing in pain as her injury flared at the movement. Trying to ignore the pain, Hermione padded across the room. She had to satisfy her curiosity. Preparing herself for some horrible scene of mutilation, she was surprised to see that the bed's occupant was nothing more than a boy about her age.

Granted, the boy was possibly the most attractive boy she had ever seen, more so than even Cedric Diggory or Gilderoy Lockhart. He belonged in a Calvin Klein commercial. Just looking at him made her feel frumpy by comparison. She had a strong urge to stroke those sculpted cheekbones, but managed to resist.

She couldn't help but feel that she knew the boy from somewhere, though at the same time she knew she'd never met him before. Perhaps he was in a different House and Year. Hermione shook her head. Someone this good looking would be very popular. She idly wondered why Lupin would have brought some random boy to the Infirmary. Wasn't he at the Battle of the Ministry? It was all very mysterious, and Hermione didn't even have a clue to begin deducing his identity.

A sudden chill swept over Hermione. Maybe he was one of the Death Eaters! Hesitantly rolled up his left sleeve. Relief flooded through her when she saw nothing but bare skin.

"What are you doing?" Hermione squeaked in surprise and blushed guiltily.

"N-nothing!" She said hurriedly, stepping back.

"If you're trying to undress me, love, you're starting at the wrong end." His voice was aristocratic, and Hermione could have sworn she'd heard it before. "Besides, I'd like to be awake next time you start taking off my clothes."

"I wasn't undressing you! I was checking to make sure-"

"Sure you were," he interrupted, grinning. "Look, I understand that you might be a little desperate, but there's no need to start raping blokes. I'm sure you're better than that." The boy's grey eyes danced with mischief and he was wearing a self-satisfied smirk.

Hermione seethed. She had known this prat for less than five minutes, and she already hated his guts. "I wasn't RAPING you!" She knew that she was screeching like a Harpy, but she couldn't help it. "And what do you mean, I'm 'a little desperate?'"

The boy's grin widened as he shifted in his bed. "You're fun. What's your name?"

Hermione was stunned for a moment by the quick change of topics. "Hermione," she sniffed.

"Nice to meet you, Hermione," He said, holding out his hand. She glared at him pointedly. "I'm sorry, alright? I was just riling you up. It's something I do to pretty girls." Rolling her eyes, Hermione shook his hand.

"Well, you shouldn't. It's rude and I might have to hex you next time." The boy grinned again, and Hermione found herself grinning, too. His smile was contagious.

"I'm quaking in my boots," he said, faking a look of abject terror. "Oh, by the way, my name is Sirius."

Hermione gaped at him. It all fell into place. A mysterious illness, a gorgeous boy she'd never met, and the fact that he seemed so familiar.

"Sirius… Black?" She asked hesitantly, though she knew the answer.

He smirked again. "I see my reputation precedes me."

Hermione tried not to hyperventilate. She was talking to a teenaged Sirius Black. He didn't seem to recognize her. Maybe he was pulling some kind of prank? That had to be it. She was being played by one of the infamous Marauder pranks.

"Very funny, Sirius," she said, eyeing him carefully. "You had me going for a moment."

Sirius arched an eyebrow quizzically, leaning forward in his bed.

"Miss Granger! Please return to your bed at once!" Madame Pomfrey screeched from the doorway to her office.

"Busted…" Sirius smirked, his eyes dancing with mischief again.

Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but Madame Pomfrey ushered her back to her own bed and drew the curtains. Silence reigned over Hermione's little corner of the hospital as her mind tried to piece together what was happening.

* * *

Sirius watched Hermione get herded across the room. He had no idea who the girl was, but that didn't surprise him. She had a pretty enough face, but that hair was a definite turn-off. He wouldn't be surprised if doxies nested in it. After careful consideration, he filed her under "work-in-progress." He'd subtly hint that she use a new conditioner or at the very least get a haircut, then re-evaluate her for future snogging sessions.

Leaning back, he waited for Madame Pomfrey to finish with Hermione. He had no clue why he was in the hospital wing, but he felt fine. The last thing he remembered was taking his O.W.L.s and then messing with Snivellus by the lake. He chuckled at the memory. He always knew that Snivy was dumb, but to alienate his only friend…

Sirius had been surprised that the little grease ball had called Lilly a 'Mudblood,' though it had given the Marauders an excuse to torment him extra horribly. Not that they needed one, he mused with a chuckle. Snape was a prat, and that was reason enough. Maybe the greasy git had managed to stun him, or something.

"Mr. Black, how do you feel?" Sirius looked up at Pomfrey. It was hard to tell in the dim lighting, but did she look older than she had last week? He had been in here scrubbing bed pans for turning Nott's hair pink. He still didn't know how McGonagall had found out it was him, though he had a feeling that Wormtail had caved under questioning.

"I feel fine," he said candidly. He had always had a connection with elderly matron, especially since he was in here at least once a week, either for detention or because of a prank gone wrong. "Why am I here, though?"

Pomfrey ignored his question and kept writing on her little note pad. "You know the drill, Mr. Black. Can you tell me your name?"

"Sirius Orion Black," he droned.

"And the year?"

"1976. I told you, I'm fine."

Madame Pomfrey stopped writing, and gave him a curious look. "Could you repeat that?"

"1976."He said, a cold feeling washing over him. He had a bad feeling about this.

"Mr. Black, could you please tell me the last thing you remember?" She was hesitant. Why was she so nervous?

"Ummm… Took my O.W.L.s, then we all went outside to celebrate by the lake." While it wasn't a lie, Sirius hardly saw the need to burden her with the knowledge that he had held Snivellus upside down until his face was red. She had enough on her plate.

"I'll be right back. Please, stay here." Madame Pomfrey disappeared out of the clinic doors. Sirius was completely confused. What the bloody hell was going on? Part of him was tempted to take a moment to ask Hermione if she knew anything, but he decided against it. He didn't want to give her too much attention too fast. That would give her the wrong impression. He had enough stalkers and didn't feel like creating another.

Ten minutes later, Madame Pomfrey returned, flanked by the Headmaster and some old guy that he didn't know. The man looked haggard and beaten down, like life had consistently been dealing him crappy hands.

"Mr. Black. It's nice to see that you're awake," Dumbledore said kindly, his eyes missing their usual twinkle. "How are you feeling?"

"I thought I was feeling fine, but I'm getting kind of nervous here. What's going on?"

"We're trying to figure that out. Now, Madame Pomfrey told me that the last thing you remember was taking your O.W.L.s and then celebrating by the lake, correct?" Sirius nodded. "And you're sure?"

"Yeah." Sirius saw a sense of elation flash across the Headmaster's face, but it was gone so fast that he couldn't be sure. "Is there something I'm missing?"

"Mr. Black, you may be missing some time. I'd like to perform Legilimancy on you to determine how much time you have missed," he said kindly, his eyes twinkling. He noticed Sirius's hesitation, then continued. "You will not be in trouble for any mischief you may have committed, and I'll only look at your most recent memories."

"I don't know… can I think about it?" Sirius asked. He had no intention of letting the Headmaster in his head. He had a feeling that being an unregistered Animagus and palling around with a werewolf once a month wouldn't be filed under "mischief." If it came down to it, he'd have Prongs fill him in on what he had missed. Marauders come first.

The headmaster sighed. "Sirius, the situation is more severe than you realize. The year is _not_ 1976\. It is 1996."

Sirius grinned. "Nice one, Professor, but if it was 1996 then I'd be pushing forty. The trick to a good prank is to not go too far out there."

Dumbledore rubbed his forehead before steeping his fingers. "This is no prank, Sirius. There was… an incident at the Department of Mysteries. You have been affected by unknown magic. As far as I can tell, you are physically and mentally sixteen… again."

"What? I-I don't believe you," Sirius said, frowning. "That's impossible! There isn't a spell to reduce your age. If there was, my mother would be twenty-two forever."

Dumbledore glanced at the ragged looking man, who had been staring at Sirius the entire time he'd been in the room.

"Padfoot, it's me, Moony. He's telling the truth," the man said, his eyes full of pain.

Sirius studied the man carefully. There was no way! He kind of looked like an older version of Remus, but that didn't prove anything. "Prove it."

The man claiming to be Moony paused. "Every month, the four of us would run the grounds during the full moon. Your Animagus form is a black dog. James was a stag, and Peter's a rat."

Sirius felt his jaw drop. This imposter was dropping Marauder secrets like they were common knowledge! "I don't believe you," he said softly. The very idea was impossible. "Get me James. If Prongs tells me it's the truth, I'll believe him."

The fake-Remus closed his eyes. "Padfoot, James is dead. Voldemort murdered him and Lilly a few years after graduation."

Sirius blinked. "That's not funny," he snarled. "The joke is over. This isn't amusing anymore."

Dumbledore sighed, rubbing his temples and sitting in one of the chairs. "This isn't a joke," he said calmly, though frustration edged into his voice. "What can I possibly say to prove to you that what we're telling you is the truth?"

Sirius almost said, 'nothing,' but he decided against it. He looked at fake-Moony. "What is my favorite color?"

"Red, crimson to be exact."

"Who did I lose my virginity to in Fourth Year?"

"Trick question. You didn't lose your virginity until Fifth Year. The girl's name was Mindy Turpin. You shagged her in an empty classroom on the second floor."

"How many girls did I have sex with in Fifth Year?"

Remus paused for a moment, doing silent math. "You'll only remember eight, but you had a farewell shag with Alice Fortescue on the train ride home. Frank punched you for messing around with his girlfriend. The two of you didn't talk for years."

"What did we do to Filch in our Third Year? The time we _didn't_ get caught."

"You and James put a confundus charm on his mop. Every time he went to clean the floors he'd forget and go to the kitchens to grab a sandwich. James used to track mud into the castle just so we could get him out of the way to search the Restricted Section of the library for books on Animagus transformations."

"Why did we give Peter the nickname 'Wormtail?"

"We told him it was because of his Animagus form, but it was really because of the size of his… manhood. You and Prongs didn't tell me until the name had already stuck. I didn't talk to either of you for a week."

Sirius hung his head in defeat. He couldn't deny it. This man was Moony. He was twenty years in the future, but not really. He hadn't time traveled… more like the reverse. His body had gone back in time, while everything else stayed the same.

"James is really dead?" he asked, looking at his friend. He bit his lip to keep the tears at bay. Remus just nodded solemnly. "What about Pete?"

Remus hesitated, before looking at Dumbledore. The old man nodded once. "Padfoot, do you know what the Fidelius Charm is? Well, Peter was James's secret keeper. You were too obvious a target, so they used Peter instead."

"So Voldemort tortured it out of him?"

"Not exactly. Peter… became a Death Eater. He voluntarily betrayed James and Lilly." Sirius didn't know what to think. He was in shock. Peter? A Death Eater? He'd be less surprised if someone told him Cornelius Fudge had become Minister of Magic.

"I think I'd like to be left alone for a while," Sirius hung his head. "This… is a lot to take in."

"I understand, Sirius, but you might not have to. We may be able to restore your memories, if they're still there," Dumbledore said quietly.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore knew that this moment was crucial. If Black allowed him access to his head, he'd be able to proclaim the memories gone and his plan would work out perfectly. He hated to do this to the young man, but there was no other option. Harry couldn't have a parental figure in his life. It was necessary for the boy to have as few connections as possible, so he wouldn't be tempted to go against his destiny.

After Voldemort was defeated, Harry could go on and live a happy life with whomever he chose, but until Tom Riddle destroyed the Horcrux in his head, Harry needed to be a martyr. Or at least _believe_ he was a martyr. Dumbledore was actually thrilled at this turn of events. After Voldemort's defeat, he could swoop in and restore Black's memories, if they were there, and possibly even restore his physical age if he chose. What were a couple decades of memories versus the entirety of wizarding Britain?

This way, a good man wouldn't have to die and Harry could have more support if something happened to Albus himself. After all, Sirius was a lot like Ronald Weasley, though to be honest he was a much better influence than Arthur and Molly's youngest son. Black was also more talented magically. Finally, Black would be more likely to woo Miss Granger. That was crucial. If Harry and Miss Granger were to fall in love, the results could be dire. Harry may not do what was necessary when the time came. Besides, Harry would probably enjoy getting to know his godfather and hearing stories about his parents. Everyone would eventually win in the end.

He turned his attention back to the boy lying in the hospital bed. Sirius seemed to be weighing his options carefully. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, Black nodded his acquiescence.

"This may be a bit uncomfortable," Albus said as he locked eyes with the young boy. " _Legilimens._ "

* * *

Hermione had stealthily pulled the curtains to her bed by less than an inch. It was a wide enough gap to hear the entire conversation, but not so wide as to draw undue attention. The voices had still sounded extremely muffled, but Hermione didn't dare pull the curtains any wider.

She was at a loss. Her heart went out to Sirius. He had to go through losing his best friend all over again. However, she was more than stunned at Sirius's philandering. Nine girls in one year? What a man-whore!

After a while, Hermione heard the Headmaster and Lupin leave. As she moved to close the crack in her curtains, she caught a peek of Sirius, huddled on his bed, sobbing. The scene nearly broke her heart.

Silently, she pushed her way through the curtains and padded to Sirius's bed and gently laid her arms around him, stroking his back until he fell asleep.

* * *

A/N: Chapter 1 complete! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Reviews are always appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2: The Father Becomes the Son

**DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, I don't own it.**

 **Through the Veil... and Black Again by Justin Jossart**

 **Chapter 2: The Father Becomes the Son**

* * *

Sirius lay in his bed in the Infirmary, trying to comprehend everything that had happened. After Dumbledore had sifted through his mind, the old Headmaster had told him that the memories, like his older body, were gone. Remus had looked depressed at the news, and Padfoot couldn't help but feel bad for his friend. Pomfrey had given Sirius a Dreamless Sleep potion, and Sirius had drifted off soon after.

Moony had been by his bedside when he woke up. The werewolf had given Sirius a quick rundown of the last twenty years. Sirius had graduated and joined the Auror Academy. Before he could finish, though, James and Lilly had been killed. Sirius had trouble believing that Prongs had managed to seduce Lilly Evans; the girl hated James with a passion. He had even more trouble believing that James had been made Head Boy. Wasn't there a requirement for _not_ being a trouble maker?

James's parents had been killed, too. Voldemort himself had led a strike on the ancient Potter Manor. It was a tough pill to swallow, and Sirius found himself loathing Voldemort more than ever. It seemed like the Dark Lord had systematically ruined his life. Turning Peter, killing James and Mr. and Mrs. Potter…

Sirius didn't have any trouble believing that he'd gone after Peter Pettigrew. Of all his friends, Peter was the weakest link. He wondered what caused James to choose Wormtail over Moony as the secret-keeper. Maybe Moony had done something to make James think him untrustworthy. Sirius decided not to think about it. For now, he'd just accept what Dumbledore and Remus told him. He'd trust his friend until he had a reason not to.

Part of Sirius was thankful that he didn't have memories of twelve years in Azkaban. He hated Dementors; they always made him think of his parents' reactions when he came home from First Year. They had been so cold, so distant. When they had returned to Grimmauld Place, his mother had gone off on a tirade that had practically lasted the entire summer. She wondered where she went wrong, when her oldest son had been sorted into Gryffindor and had made friends with the Potter heir.

The Black heir hadn't really considered that his parents would be _quite_ so upset. He knew that they would be disappointed, but it was only a House at Hogwarts. It wasn't as if it would matter in the long run. Even if he could have anticipated his mother's reaction, Sirius had never dreamed that his father would be so… heartless. He had always looked up to his father.

Sirius sighed. It was going to be a long day. Remus eventually left after recounting Sirius's escape from Azkaban and his time on the run. Sirius had finally told him to stop. He didn't want to know how he "died." It was too much to deal with, so he just wouldn't even try. There was no point, anyways. If Dumbledore said that there wasn't a cure, then there wasn't a cure.

"Knut for your thoughts?" A female voice asked, almost hesitantly.

Sirius focused on the girl across the room. It took him a moment, but he finally managed to remember her name. Hermione. She was one of his "godson's" friends. He didn't think he'd ever seen anyone with such bushy hair.

"I… I don't even know where to begin. It's just… wow. I can't believe I'm twenty years in the future… or in the past. Merlin, I don't know."

The girl smiled at him sadly. "It must be a lot to take in. If you have any questions, you can ask me. I've known Harry ever since First Year…" She trailed off, biting her lip.

Sirius sighed. "I don't even know Harry. Everyone's acting like I should worship the ground he walks on and learn everything there is to know about him, but from my point of view he's just another guy. He might as well be Prongs's brother." Hermione seemed startled and more than a little offended. She opened her mouth to defend her friend, but Padfoot interrupted her. "Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a great bloke, and I'll be happy to get to know him, but I'm not going to pretend like he's someone I've known and cared about for years. He's just a guy. If we get along, great. If we don't, I'll put up with him for James's sake."

Hermione seemed to consider his point. "But you _have_ known Harry for years. You were there when he was born! He's your best friend's son and your godson!"

"But I don't _know_ him," Sirius retorted. "There's only two ways to deal with this mess. I can either be myself and see where that gets me or I can try to recapture some older me that experienced a lot of things that I don't care to. Which sounds like a better plan to you?"

Hermione fell silent, a thoughtful look on her face. After a few moments, she started to say something, but she was cut off when the door to the Infirmary slammed open with a loud _bang_. Standing in the doorway was a skinny boy with wire rimmed glasses and messy black hair.

This could only be Harry, Sirius thought. Remus had gone on at great length about how much Harry resembled Prongs, but Padfoot didn't see it. Superficially they had a similar look to them, though Harry's features were more delicate than James. He was also shorter. However, the biggest difference was in the way they stood, how they carried themselves. Prongs sauntered into a room like he owned it, while Harry seemed to shrink in on himself and try not to be noticed. It wasn't a huge difference, but Sirius had spent nearly every waking moment with Prongs. This boy was no Prongs.

"Sirius!" Harry shouted, rushing to his godfather's bedside. "I can't believe it… We thought you were dead! I came as soon as I heard."

"That's… good," Sirius said awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. "I'm glad you came. It's kind of boring in here." That was only a half truth. He was bored, but wasn't especially excited to see Harry.

"Tell me about it. It seems like I spend half my time in this place," Harry said jovially, a large grin spreading across his face. At that moment, Padfoot was able to see a part of Prongs in him.

"What, do you get detention all the time, too? Slughorn's always making me work in the Hospital Wing. It's almost like he doesn't trust me to be in the Potions classroom without constant supervision."

Hermione spoke up from across the room. "I wonder why?" She drawled, rolling her eyes.

Harry's grin disappeared faster than Snivellus at bath time. "Hermione! Are you okay? I'm so sorry for not listening to you."

Sirius listened to them chatter back and forth for a moment, not really understanding what they were talking about. His ears perked when he heard Harry say the name "Snape."

"Hold up, you know Snivellus?" Sirius asked, interrupting Hermione as she told Harry for the third time that she had already forgiven him.

Harry and Hermione turned towards him, and Sirius could see a spark of pain in his eyes. Apparently the boy hadn't wanted to believe that his beloved godfather had lost all memory of him. "Yeah. He teaches Potions."

"Really?" Sirius asked, amazed. "Dumbledore lets that tosser teach here?" Harry started chuckling, while Hermione pursed her lips. "So when you get an assignment back, does it have big nasty grease stains all over it?"

Harry's chuckles morphed into a full bellied laugh, while Hermione seemed torn. "He's not that bad," she defended. "And Dumbledore trusts him."

"Hermione, you didn't see him in Occlumency lessons. He's been horrible to me since First Year for no reason," Harry reasoned.

"That doesn't surprise me, especially if James married Lilly." Sirius still had trouble with that mental image, but he continued. "Snivy always had a thing for Lilly. It was one of the reasons James and I didn't like the git. Imagine if your worst enemy married the woman you loved."

Harry got quiet for a moment. "Why did you and my dad torment Snape so much? I saw a memory of the two of you by the lake giving Snape a hard time for no reason."

Sirius paused, a little startled. "Well, he's up to his neck in the Dark Arts, he never bathes, and James didn't like him because he was so close to Lilly."

"So you tortured an innocent boy because he was friends with a girl you liked?" Hermione asked shrilly. "That seems fair."

"He was hardly innocent. He and James went at it all the time. Snape hated Prongs for the same reason that Prongs hated Snivellus," Sirius said defensively. "Snivy started it in First Year. James had tried to chat with Lilly. Snivellus got all pissy and told James and me off in the library. Something about 'staying away from his friend. He started cursing at us, so I scourgified his mouth. I'm pretty sure it was the only time he cleaned his teeth all year. After that, James and Snape hated each other."

"But you guys teamed up on him. It wasn't a fair fight," Hermione argued. Harry was just listening with his eyes closed.

"It's not our fault that the git couldn't make any friends. If he had, then it would have been a 'fair fight.' But if you think I'm going to let some prat hex my best friend, you have another thing coming." Sirius was getting slightly angry, so he changed the subject. "You said that he's horrible to you in Potions?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah. He's always taking away points for stuff like 'breathing loudly and ruining other students' concentration.'"

"So what have you done to get back at him?" Sirius asked, though he thought he knew the answer. Harry didn't seem like the pranking type.

"What do you mean?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "How have you punished him for being a greasy git? Don't tell me you just take it lying down."

"Well, he's a teacher. There's not much I can do, is there?" Harry said, obviously confused.

Sirius started laughing. "The best pranks are _always_ on teachers. If you do it right, you don't even get in trouble. This one time, we Transfigured everything in McGonagall's office into ceramic dogs. You know, because she's a cat Animagus? I think she knew it was us, but we didn't get in trouble. I'm pretty sure she was impressed by two Second Years being able to Transfigure that much stuff. The trick to getting away clean is to not hurt anyone or single anyone out. If you want to punish a Slytherin, hit the whole House. It's amazing how fast peer pressure will make someone behave. When the entire House is sick of having their hair falling out, they'll make sure that some git toes the line."

"How did you get into her office in the first place?" Hermione asked.

"I have a knife that'll open any lock. It was my Uncle Alphard's, but he gave it to me when I started Hogwarts."

* * *

It was past dinner when Harry made his way back to Gryffindor Tower. He wasn't sure what to make of his godfather. Sirius seemed so… carefree. He laughed a lot, and had a million little stories about his time at Hogwarts. A part of Harry wished that his dad had been the one to tell him these stories, but meeting a young Sirius Black was really cool.

Sirius in general seemed cool. He was the type of guy that you couldn't help but like, kind of like the Fred and George Weasley. Harry started to wonder what it would be like to be close friends with Sirius.

He'd never be bored, for one thing. Sirius was an idea man. Most of the schemes that he and his dad had gotten up to had been Sirius's idea, while James was the one who figured out _how_ to do it. Lupin helped with execution, while Wormtail usually played lookout. Harry couldn't help but compare it to his group of friends.

No one really had any set roles, besides Hermione. She usually was the idea person _and_ the one who figured out how to do it. More often than not, she just executed it herself. Harry and Ron were too busy playing Quidditch and shirking homework. That had been another surprise about Sirius. He always did his homework the day it was assigned. He didn't go over it fifty times like Hermione did, but Sirius reasoned that he wouldn't be in school forever. He'd need good grades to become an Auror.

Harry hadn't really considered that he only had a couple more years of school. After that, he'd be expected to earn his own way. His parents had left him a decent bit of gold, but eventually he'd have to get a job. It was a sobering thought, especially since it came from his irresponsible godfather.

The last Black had also taken a keen interest in Harry's 'adventures' over the years. He seemed impressed, especially by the basilisk encounter in the Chamber of Secrets. Harry had expected Sirius to be more impressed by the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament, but he had just glossed over it. Sirius seemed most interested about stories where Harry broke school rules, like smuggling Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback out of the castle through the Astronomy Tower.

Sirius had laughed long and hard when Harry had recounted his one and only date earlier in the year. However, his advice was almost the exact opposite of Hermione's. Padfoot had said in no uncertain terms that he would have completely blown off Hermione's meeting in favor of hanging out with a 'hot bird.' He did, however, seem impressed at the brunette's idea to curse the roster of Dumbledore's Army.

All in all, Harry decided that he liked young Sirius, though it was a little odd to be talking to him like an equal.

* * *

Hermione didn't really care for Sirius Black. She had respected him when he had been older, but now that he was back to his schoolyard self, Hermione found him to be an arrogant toe rag. Harry had seemed awestruck by his godfather, but she felt that Sirius was too irresponsible to be a good influence on her friend.

He reminded her of a confident version of Ronald. Ron would have loved to take Professor Snape down a peg or two, but she had a feeling that Sirius wouldn't hesitate to do so. Even worse, she had the feeling that Ron and Sirius would get along thick as thieves, though Sirius might be able to convince Ron to do his homework on time. Sirius was everything that Ron aspired to be. He was rich, confident, popular, and charming. He was also a troublemaker, didn't respect authority, and acted like the world owed him something. It was like someone had taken Ron and Draco Malfoy and morphed them together. The boy annoyed her more than both of them put together.

She turned her gaze towards him and fought down a blush. She couldn't deny that Sirius was attractive. It didn't help that he knew it and flaunted it. It wasn't difficult to imagine him having to beat off girls with a stick. She was instantly grateful that she wouldn't have to watch him shag his way through Gryffindor Tower.

She looked up as Dumbledore entered and sat beside Sirius's bed.

"Good evening, Sirius. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, sir. Though I'm anxious to get out of here. There's only so long I can stay in bed without wanting to claw my eyes out."

"That's what I came here to discuss. You'll be released from the Infirmary in the morning, and I wonder if you've thought about what to do once you've left."

"I guess I just assumed I'd go back to school. I still have N.E.W.T.s to take so I can become an Auror. I know that I already took them, but I don't remember anything from the classes. I guess I'll just live my life like I'm not going to get my memories back. There's no point in waiting for something that might never happen." Hermione had to suppress a groan. She desperately wanted Dumbledore to rebuke Sirius's return to Hogwarts.

"I think that's a wonderful idea. I'm impressed that you're taking all of this so well. A lesser man would have broken down by now." Hermione rolled her eyes. The last thing Sirius needed was an ego boost.

"Well, you know me. Can't keep a good dog down for long," Sirius quipped. "To be honest, I don't think it's really hit me yet. It's just hard to believe that I'm never going to see James again, you know?"

Dumbledore nodded. "It's always hard when you lose a friend. If you need any help coping, my door is always open. However, I think we need to form a cover story for you. Many students would find it difficult to accept that you are a grown man going to school with teenagers."

It was Sirius's turn to nod. "I guess you'd know best. What's your idea?"

"You could pose as your own son, Sirius Black the Fourth. We wouldn't even have to change your name." Hermione thought this was a terrible idea.

"Sirius Black never had a son. Every old family keeps registries on Pureblood families," she said huffily. "Besides, how would you explain the fact that he's never been to Hogwarts?"

Both Sirius and Dumbledore looked at her, and she felt another blush rising to her cheeks. "Miss Granger, you do bring up a valid point. However, those registries aren't updated at birth. Instead, they're updated when the child first goes to Gringotts and is officially claimed by the Head of House."

"I AM the Head of House. It's not like I can claim myself." Hermione was surprised that Sirius had agreed with her.

"Actually, you're not. You technically died for several hours in the Department of Mysteries. Your house, title, and vault all passed into your heir's possession, Harry Potter. Legally speaking, you don't exist."

Sirius gaped at Dumbledore. "So… what are you suggesting?"

"Harry uses his newfound power as Head of House Black to claim you, then returns to you all of your inheritance," the Headmaster said simply.

"And how are you going to trick the Goblins?" Hermione asked, feeling slightly stunned.

Dumbledore and Sirius chuckled. "One doesn't trick Goblins, Miss Granger. One bribes them."

* * *

It felt so good to be out of that stuffy Infirmary. The food was crap and the company was even worse. After Dumbledore had left, Hermione had asked him about a million questions about how Old Families worked, how the titles were passed down, and how they were planning to go about bribing the Goblins of Gringotts Wizarding Bank. He had been patient at first, but eventually had snapped at her, telling her to go read a book on the subject if she was so interested.

Currently, Sirius was on his way to Gringotts with Dumbledore, Harry and Moony. It was Saturday, so Harry hadn't had any classes to attend. Everyone had a part to play, and it was likely to be a long day. Sirius knew that he was about to take a sizable dent to his fortune. Bribing Goblins wasn't cheap, but it was better than the alternative. You could always try to trick them with false identification, and many had tried. However, very few had succeeded.

Sirius and Harry chatted amiably about Quidditch while they walked down Diagon Alley. Sirius loved Quidditch, and had been the Keeper for the Gryffindor House Team since his Third Year. He was more than a little surprised to find that Harry played Seeker, since James had been one of the best Chasers Gryffindor had ever produced. James had received an invite to the Cannons' Training Camp, but had politely declined. Not only did the Cannons suck, but James was dead-set on becoming an Auror with Sirius.

Thinking about his friend made his chest ache uncomfortably, so he quickly dived into a story about the time he and Remus had sprung Peter from detention with McGonagall. It had been one of the few times that Moony had willingly broken school rules, but Wormtail was needed for a more elaborate prank that evening.

Harry laughed in all the appropriate places, and Sirius couldn't help but compare him to James. They were so different, but at the same time they had a lot in common. Sirius found the whole ordeal slightly confusing, but decided to just roll with it. There was no point in wallowing.

Finally, the group reached Gringotts and stepped through the large golden doors. Dumbledore quickly found a Goblin to fetch the Black account manager, and they were soon led down a narrow hallway and into a small, cramped office to wait.

"Albus Dumbledore! To what do I owe this pleasure?" A scratchy voice called as the door opened to reveal a beet red goblin.

"Tornfang," Dumbledore replied politely. "We have a slight situation that we could use your help with. We would be happy to compensate you for your time and effort." Meaning: We're going to be doing something slightly illegal and are willing to pay you for it.

Tornfang grinned, showing his pointy teeth. "I'd be happy to help, as long as it falls under my purview." Meaning: I'm open to being bribed, as long as you pay me enough.

Dumbledore explained to Tornfang what had happened, and what they needed done. If the Goblin was surprised, he didn't show it. Instead, he listened and as Dumbledore went on his grin continued to grow.

"Well, Mr. Dumbledore that does seem like quite a problem. I'll do it as long as he takes a blood test to prove that he is really of Black blood," Tornfang said, pointing at Sirius. "I'm not going to hand the Black fortune over to an imposter." The Goblin pulled out a small, stone bowl lined with runes and a dagger that seemed a little too big for Sirius's taste.

"Of course. Sirius?" Sirius stepped forward, feeling slightly apprehensive as he held out his left arm. The Goblin took his hand and made a shallow cut along his palm, spilling the blood into the stone bowl. Sirius watched in awe as the runes along the edge began to glow. He had heard of bowls like these. Each of the Old Families had one. It was keyed to their bloodline and was used to quickly identify family members. Distant relations, like Lucius Malfoy's son, would have barely glowed at all. If he hadn't been a Black, nothing would have happened.

"Very good. We can proceed," Tornfang said as the bowl emptied itself. He returned the bowl and dagger to the shelf behind him and began pulling reams of parchment from his desk. "First of all, we will need Mr. Potter to sign this, accepting his inheritance from the deceased Mr. Black." Harry seemed reluctant to use the blood quill, a sentiment that Sirius agreed with wholeheartedly. However, the Goblins used them for all of their official documents.

"Now, this will verify Sirius's birth. Full name?"

"Sirius Orion Black the Fourth," Sirius said, dully.

The Goblin jotted it down dutifully. "Father: Sirius Orion Black the Third, deceased. Mother's name?"

Sirius looked to Dumbledore. It had never occurred to him that he'd need a mother. It was Remus who answered.

"Kelly Somerset, Muggle." the werewolf replied. Noting Sirius's questioning look, he shook his head. "I'll explain later."

"Date of Birth?" Tornfang asked.

"September 21st, 1979." Sirius replied again. He and Dumbledore had agreed to just take his real birthday and add twenty years. It would put him in the same year as Harry and Hermione.

"Alright! Now just sign here, Mr. Potter," Tornfang seemed to be enjoying himself. The little red goblin was grinning from pointed ear to ear. Sirius supposed that if he were about to come into a crapload of gold, he'd be happy, too.

Sirius tried to pay attention, but was quickly bored. It seemed like there was always another form to fill out, but eventually Tornfang proclaimed them done. Sirius was back as Head of House Black, but he was officially his own son. It was kind of a weird concept, but it worked. He thought of it like a giant prank on the entirety of wizarding Britain.

After they left Tornfang's small office, Dumbledore bid the group goodbye, taking Harry with him. Harry seemed like he wanted to argue, but after Remus pointed out that all they were going to be doing was shopping, he seemed to settle down. Dumbledore had some strings to pull on his own end to place Sirius into Hogwarts the following year, including setting up a time for Sirius to take his O.W.L.s. Sirius sighed. He had just taken the damn things, but there was no way he could use his "father's" scores.

However, first he'd need a wand and about a million other school supplies, not to mention clothes. Idly, Sirius wondered what had happened to his motorcycle. He had loved that bike. He was torn from his musings by a voice behind him.

"Wotcher, Remus, Sirius." The voice belonged to a startlingly pretty girl with spiky hair the color of bubblegum. She was wearing a _very_ flattering outfit, and Sirius couldn't help but gawk.

"Hello, love, have we met?" Sirius asked, giving her his most charming grin.

"Yep. You used to take me to the park, _cousin_." Damn.

"Nymphy? Is that you?" Sirius asked, unable to believe it. She had definitely grown up. It was hard to imagine that the little girl he'd taken to the park and had begged for ice cream was now older than him.

"The one and only. Though if you call me Nymphy again, I might have to castrate you," she laughed, her eyes gleaming with mischief.

"Would you really do that to your favorite cousin?"

"You're my favorite cousin by default. It's either you or Lucius's brat. You automatically win because you don't call me a "dirty Mudblood."

"Wow, he sounds like a prick," Sirius said. "Is he in school? I could always give him a little Marauder justice."

"You might have help with that," Remus said casually. "Harry and Draco hate each other almost as much as James hated Snape."

"Nothing like a good rivalry with a bigoted Slytherin git," Sirius said cheerfully. "I think cousin Draco is going to learn his lesson next year. So Nymphy, what are you doing here?"

"I'm your honor guard. Dumbledore wanted an extra pair of eyes to look out for you. If the Death Eaters knew who you were, you'd be a prime target. Apparently You-Know-Who is hoping that you weren't able to write up a will before you died. He's probably not going to be very happy to find out that Sirius had a "son."

"But that was just made up. There's no way he already knows," Sirius reasoned.

Tonks shrugged. "I'm just doing as I'm told. Besides, do you really want _Remus_ to help you pick out a new wardrobe?"

Sirius laughed at Moony's look of indignation. "I guess you're right. I don't know if I could pull off the whole 'hobo' look."

With a laugh, the trio began their shopping. They started in Ollivanders. Sirius's old wand hadn't survived his trip through the veil, so now he had to buy a new one. It took almost an hour for the old man to find him a match, but eventually he had left with a 12 ½ inch ash wand with a unicorn hair core. Ollivander had said that it would be great for Charms, which made Padfoot happy. He and James almost always used Charms in their pranks.

After Ollivander's, they stopped by Brigham's Warehouse, and Sirius picked out a trunk. He had been tempted to buy a super expensive one that had a half dozen compartments, but ultimately settled on two compartments. One for school stuff, one for… mischief. It was a basic black, so as to not draw attention to itself.

Next, they stopped by Flourish and Blotts, where Sirius picked out a few course books to re-study for his O.W.L.s. It really sucked that he'd have to retake the damn things, but there was nothing he could do about it. Sirius also picked out a book titled _**Modern Hexes: Make Your Friends Squirm!**_ Sirius had no intention of using anything in this book against his friends. Except for the hair curling one. He thought it would be intriguing to see just how bushy Hermione's hair could get.

Sirius demanded that the next stop be Quality Quidditch Supplies so he could buy a new broom. He had no clue what had happened to his old one, but he didn't really care. He was interested to see how far brooms had come in the past twenty years. After a full half hour of browsing and test flying, Sirius picked out a Defender Mark IV. It wasn't as fast as a Nimbus or Firebolt, but it had amazing acceleration and handling. It was a professional level Keeper's broomstick. He also picked out a set of dragon hide Keeper's pads.

"Keeper, huh? Gryffindor already has a decent Keeper," Remus said cautiously.

"I hear he's spotty at best. I could probably take his position. I have a great save ratio. I was also the only person in the school who could block James's corkscrew shot." Sirius said confidently.

"He's also Harry's best friend," Remus continued. "I know that the Gryffindor team is looking for Chasers and Beaters next season."

"Then he can try out for Chaser or Beater. If he's better than me, he'll keep his spot. If not, I'll take it. Why are you making such a big deal about this?" Sirius didn't see what the problem was. The best player should be at each position, regardless of who their friends were. It was how his old captain had run the team. Every position had try outs every year as a matter of course, and James and Sirius had been on the team since Second Year.

Sirius already didn't like this Ron guy that Harry and Hermione kept talking about. He sounded like an immature slacker with inferiority issues. He'd also abandoned his best friend over a stupid tournament the year before. Harry had kind of glossed over the whole thing, but Sirius was smart enough to put two and two together. Loyalty was the quality he looked for in the people he hung out with, and this Ron character didn't have it. The only reason why Sirius was willing to give him a chance was because Ron had willingly braved a battle with Death Eaters for Harry. Sirius had decided to play nice for Harry's sake, but he wasn't going to build his life around what might upset Ronald Weasley.

Harry, on the other hand, was a guy Sirius could respect. It seemed like ninety percent of the trouble he got into was because he was saving a friend. That was the kind of loyalty that friends should give to one another. Harry may have had the confidence of a timid mouse trapped in a kneazle cage, but that was something Sirius could fix. Building up his new friend's confidence was near the top of his to-do list. Right after shaving Hermione bald.

School shopping finally done, Sirius packed all of his purchases in his trunk. He'd buy the rest when he got his letter from Hogwarts later this summer. Sirius was about to suggest that they stop for lunch when he saw the Magical Menagerie. He really needed a new owl. He wondered what had happened to Athena, his faithful barn owl, but he supposed it didn't matter. Owls didn't live longer than a couple decades, and Athena was most likely long dead.

"Come on, I need an owl." Remus nodded and the trio entered the Magical Menagerie. Sirius quickly passed the cats, toads, and weasels. Who in their right mind would want a weasel? He meant to purchase a new barn owl, but stopped when he saw a bright sign entitled "Exotic Birds." Interested, Sirius made a beeline for that section of the store. Remus remarked that it might not be a good idea to get a bird that was easily recognizable, but Sirius ignored him. The werewolf was starting to get on his nerves. There was a reason why he hung out with Prongs more than Moony.

Sirius found himself stopped outside of a cage that contained a gorgeous, medium sized hawk. It was mostly chocolate brown and black, though its tail was colored a reddish bronze that reminded Sirius of the Gryffindor colors. Its hooked beak was a dull yellow and obviously designed for tearing the flesh from rodents. He looked at the label beneath the cage. " _Red-Tailed Hawk. Native to North America. Faster delivery time than an owl, and fiercely loyal to its owner. However, they have shorter life spans. Most witches and wizards in the United States use red-tails instead of owls._ " As soon as he saw the bird, Sirius knew that he wanted it. Loyal AND red? It was the perfect bird for him. Sirius called over an attendant, and he paid for his new pet.

"Nice bird," Tonks admired, poking a finger through its cage. "What are you going to name him?"

"I think I'm going to call him Tobias."

* * *

 **A/N: There's Chapter 2. Can anyone name a famous Red-Tailed Hawk named Tobias? I'll give you a hint: Think K. A. Applegate's series of young adult novels. Reviews are always appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3: Summertime Blues

**DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, I don't own it!**

 **Through the Veil... and Black Again by Justin Jossart**

 **Chapter 3: Home is Where the Fidelius Charm Is**

* * *

Harry Potter was in good spirits as the scarlet Hogwarts Express clacked over its tracks. He hadn't seen Sirius since Gringotts, but his godfather (godbrother?) had written twice. The letters were delivered by a magnificent hawk that Hermione quickly identified as a red-tail. Ron, who had finally been released from St. Mungo's, had been suitably impressed.

They were less than an hour out from Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, and Harry could barely contain his excitement. He couldn't ever remember being this happy at being away from Hogwarts. He'd only have to spend a couple weeks with the Dursleys before staying with Ron at the Burrow for the rest of the summer. Even better, Hermione would be joining them. Ron was looking forward to meeting Young Sirius, as he called him. Harry had repeated several of Sirius's Hogwarts stories for the redhead, and they were both looking forward to spending a summer coming up with ways to mess with Malfoy. Hermione seemed a little put-off by the whole idea of spending _another_ holiday away from her parents, but Dumbledore had persuaded her. Harry didn't know why the Headmaster cared where Hermione vacationed, but he was glad she was going to be there all the same.

However, Malfoy had apparently decided a happy Harry was something he didn't like, so of course the git had shown up in Harry's compartment. The blonde ponce had tried to bait Harry by teasing him about Sirius's "death," and had been thoroughly flustered when Harry didn't seem to care. Even better, Malfoy had drawn his wand and had been cursed to oblivion by Neville, Luna and Ginny from behind. By the time the trio had finished with them, Malfoy and his two goons looked more like giant boils than anything else.

Finally, the train slowed to a stop and Harry slid his trunk from the overhead compartments. Carefully stepping over Malfoy's still twitching form, he started to make his way to the nearest exit. He heard Ron "accidently" thump Malfoy with his trunk, and Hermione's exasperated sigh.

"We should really tell someone about Malfoy," she said, though her voice lacked conviction.

"We'll let his great and powerful 'father' sort him out," Ron replied, grinning. "It's not like _we_ did anything. Someone attacked Malfoy from behind and we were too slow to see who did it. Shame, really."

Harry returned his friend's grin as he stepped off the train, his trunk clunking loudly behind him. Harry quickly searched for a particular face, and finally saw Sirius standing next to Remus. The boy was wearing cargo shorts, flip-flops and a white t-shirt. A pair of aviator sunglasses completed the look. Even Harry could tell that the shades and his watch cost more than Harry's and Ron's entire wardrobes put together. He also realized for the first time that Sirius was easily as tall as Ron, though he had a wider build.

"Harry! How was the last week of term? Snivellus give you too much trouble?" Harry grinned. It was so weird to hear a guy his age call Snape 'Snivellus.'

"No, he actually seemed happy. I think he was humming at breakfast the other day," Harry replied. "I'm pretty sure he still thinks you died."

"I can't wait to see his face next year. It'll be like all of his nightmares came true: Sirius Black returning from the dead to torment him for two whole years. Granted, he'll think that it's Sirius's son, but you can't have everything."

"Dumbledore's not going to tell the Order about you surviving?" Hermione asked, obviously perplexed.

Sirius shook his head. "Nope. The Order gets the 'official' story: Sirius Black died and left everything to his son and heir, Sirius Black. It's fun messing with people, though I think Mad-Eye Moody suspects something. That means you can't tell anyone, even family."

Ron stepped forward. "Hi, Sirius. My name's Ron Weasley. Did you really charm a belt with a babbling hex and then give it to Snape as a gift from Harry's mum?"

Sirius laughed. "Sure did. We saw Lilly buying a men's belt at Hogsmead, and we guessed who it was for. So James bought an identical belt. Prongs and I spent six hours figuring out how to charm the belt correctly, then we had to distract Lilly to switch belts before she gave it to him. It was one of the best pranks we ever pulled on him. He wore that belt every day. The trick was, we didn't activate the belt until breakfast, and deactivated it at dinner. It kept activating itself at random intervals throughout the day, so Snape would dispel the hex and start babbling again half an hour later. He was convinced that an invisible person was stalking him, casting Babbling Hexes on him every chance they got. By the fourth day, he was whirling around in the hallways, trying to catch whoever it was that was hexing him."

"How did he find out it was the belt?" Ron asked, a wide smile on his face.

Sirius shrugged. "He didn't, as far as I know. The shelf life of the charm wasn't that long, and neither James nor I had the runes skill to make it permanent. We knew that Moony wouldn't approve, and he was the runes buff of the group. After about a week, the belt just became a normal belt."

Harry looked at Hermione. She seemed torn between being impressed at the charmwork and disapproving at the fact that they had let Snape babble on and off for a week. "I can't believe you turned Lilly's nice gift into a prank to humiliate him."

Sirius shrugged again, grinning. "That was the beauty of it. He'd never suspect something Lilly gave him."

Harry thought the idea was brilliant. "So how did you activate and deactivate it?"

"A variation of the Protean Charm. When we activated a different belt, it activated the other. Remus helped us develop it for use on the mirrors."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "You were to use that power for good, not evil," he said sternly, though he was grinning.

Hermione looked at Lupin as though he had grown a second head. "You developed a variation of the Protean Charm in your Fourth Year?" Remus nodded. "How in the name of Merlin are you not working for the Ministry in their Spell Development Department?"

Sirius shook his head. "He has a furry little problem. He can't work for the Ministry. He's the one who developed the spellwork behind most of our pranks."

"But- but- that's not fair! He's obviously really talented!"

"Life's not fair," Remus said quietly, effectively killing the mood. "Enough about the old days. Padfoot and I just wanted to-"

"Fred and George!" Ron shouted, smacking his head. Everyone turned to stare at him. "Fred and George could hire you! They need someone like you to help them develop new stuff! They have a lot of ideas, but they have no idea of how to make them work! Besides, they'd love to work with a Marauder!"

Lupin seemed hesitant. "I wouldn't want them employing me out of pity. I can make my own way."

Ron shook his head, still obviously excited. "It wouldn't be like that. They're idea guys. It took them a full year to get the Skiving Snackboxes working. You could have probably done it a lot faster. They also have trouble making stuff fast enough to keep it on the shelves. It'd be perfect!"

"Skiving Snackboxes?" Sirius asked, arching an eyebrow.

"They're sweets that make you sick to get out of class," Harry said. "They're actually really brilliant."

Hermione tsked, but said nothing, while Ron made Lupin promise to at least _talk_ to the twins.

* * *

The next two weeks flew by for Harry. He and the Dursleys had an unspoken agreement: He'd stay out of their hair, and they wouldn't make him miserable. It had worked out so well the previous summer that Harry saw no need to upset the status quo. Even so, they seemed happy to get rid of him when Dumbledore showed up to take him to the Burrow.

Harry had been really uncomfortable when Dumbledore had decided to have a "talk" with his guardians, and had tried to be as quiet as possible while the old man gave them a talking to about his treatment over the past fifteen years. Thankfully, it hadn't lasted that long, and Harry and Dumbledore left.

Afterwards, Dumbledore had brought him along to recruit a new teacher for Defense Against the Dark Arts, a Professor Slughorn. Harry wasn't sure if he liked the old man or not. He looked like a giant walrus and "collected" students of interest. Harry was surprised to learn that both of his parents had been "collected."

The next morning, Harry found himself waking up in Fred and George's old room. It was slightly cluttered, but felt homey enough. He was also glad he had his own room. Normally, he stayed in Ron's room whenever he visited the Burrow.

He had spent the next week with Ron, Hermione and Ginny. Sirius had written that he'd turn up sooner or later, but he was quite busy taking his O.W.L.s. Hermione had seemed impressed that he was taking them so seriously, but Harry had a feeling that Lupin was the driving force behind that decision.

A week and a half after he arrived at the Burrow, Harry came down to breakfast to find Sirius Black munching on some toast, talking to the beautiful Fleur Delacour. Harry had been surprised that Fleur and Bill Weasley had gotten engaged, though you couldn't tell it by how she was looking at Sirius. She was leaning close to him, her shimmery blonde hair framing her smiling face.

"-and then we got caught, red-handed. I had detention for a week," Sirius was saying, rocking back in his chair. Fleur laughed heartily, a musical sound that left Harry slightly dazed, though Padfoot seemed unaffected.

"Oh, hiya Harry," Sirius said brightly. "Thought I'd surprise you."

"I'm… surprised." Harry said. He wasn't sure what to think. He'd always known that Sirius had a reputation as a playboy, but it was different seeing it in action. Especially when his charms were being used on Bill's fiancé. Harry didn't really know Bill that well, but he'd always been nice to Harry.

Sirius seemed to pick up on Harry's discomfort. "Anyways, it was nice to meet you Fleur. I'm sure I'll see you around."

"You as well, Sirius," she replied, giving him a winning smile and showing off her perfect, even teeth.

"So Harry, what's up?" Sirius asked after Fleur left the room. "You don't seem happy to see me."

"It's not that," Harry said, feeling uncomfortable. "It's just… Bill's a good guy."

"Okay?" Sirius said, nonplussed.

"I just… don't think it's right for you to try to steal his fiancé," Harry said in a rush, a blush rising to his face.

Sirius stared at him for a moment, then started laughing. "That's it? Merlin, Harry! That was barely flirting. If I wanted to steal her, her legs would be wrapped around my head right now." Harry's face burned even brighter. "I don't steal other guys' girls, even the really pretty ones. If I did that, no one else would _ever_ get laid."

"Oh," Harry said, feeling better. He was still really embarrassed.

"One thing, though," Sirius amended. "Just because someone _likes_ a girl doesn't mean I won't shag them. I draw the line at monogamous relationships. Anything less committed is fair game. Except for you, of course. If you liked a girl, she's all yours. Lilly was the only Gryffindor girl in our year who I didn't at least snog a few times."

Harry nodded. "That's good to know, I guess," he replied, trying not to picture Sirius snogging his mum.

Sirius looked like he wanted to say more, but Hermione and Ginny chose that moment to come down the stairs. Hermione greeted Sirius casually, while Ginny just kept gawking at him and blushing. It reminded Harry strongly of the summer that he'd first met Ginny. Jealousy roiled through Harry's chest, but it quickly subsided. Ginny had a boyfriend, so Sirius wouldn't touch her. That just reminded Harry that Ginny had a boyfriend.

He was too busy staring at his plate of waffles to notice Sirius eyeing him carefully, a small smirk on his face.

* * *

Romance seemed to be in the air at the Burrow. Fleur and Bill were a really good couple, Sirius decided. He also suspected that Harry had feelings for Ron's sister, which meant that Sirius would never touch her. Also, Ron had expressed feelings for Hermione, in a kind of roundabout way. He had shown Harry and Sirius a book titled _**Ten Fail Proof Ways to Charm Witches**_ **.**

Sirius personally thought that Ron was bat-shit for going after Hermione. She was bossy and pushy, and the more time he hung around her, the more confident she felt in treating him like Harry and Ron. Sooner or later, things would come to a head, but Sirius was trying his best to be patient and give her subtle hints that he wouldn't be pushed around.

Besides that, her hair was atrocious. His hints that she should try a new shampoo fell on deaf ears, and she certainly wasn't going to cut it. Sirius had no idea how someone who was that smart could care so little for their appearance. Didn't she realize that she could be downright beautiful if she put in a little effort? Sirius shrugged it off. If she wanted to walk around with a bird's nest on her head, that was her business. And if Ron found her attractive, then more power to him. He'd find no competition from Sirius's end.

Currently, Sirius was lying on Ron's bed, reading Ron's pickup artist book while Ron and Harry played chess on the floor. Turning the last page, Sirius tossed the book to the side. "This book is rubbish, Ron. You should get your money back."

"What's wrong with it?" Ron asked, his eyes wide.

"It should be called 'Ten Fail Proof Ways to End Up in the Friend Zone.' Seriously, if you want advice on girls, just come to me."

"Well then, how would you date Hermione?" Ron said, crossing his arms. Sirius had no idea why he was so defensive over a book.

"Personally? I wouldn't, but that's just me. She's too bossy for my taste, and that hair is only going to get worse with age." Seeing Ron's look of indignation, Sirius continued. "But if you're really set on dating her, then here's what you do: Go downstairs, ask her to go for a walk, then when you're all alone snog her senseless."

Ron's mouth opened and closed a few times. "That'll work?"

Sirius shrugged. "You've been best friends with her for what, five years? Either she likes you or she doesn't. It's better to just find out now instead of beating around the bush for another five. It's always better to know where you stand."

"What if she doesn't like me back?"

"Then she'll probably slap you and call you a prat. But at least you'll know."

"You make it sound so easy," Ron said sullenly, taking Harry's queen.

"That's because it _is_ easy. Guys act like women are so complicated, but there's really nothing to it. All it takes is a little charm, a little wit, and a lot of confidence. If Wormtail was able to get a peck on the cheek from the head girl, you can get Hermione."

"If it's so easy, you do it!" Ron challenged, his face going red.

"Do what? Snog Hermione?" Sirius almost laughed at the prospect. "Are you really daring _me_ to go make out with a girl that _you_ have feelings for?" Ron sputtered for a moment. "That's what I thought. Just be glad I value your friendship more than my pride."

That was a lie. Sirius didn't really value Ron's friendship that much. Sure, Ron seemed like a nice enough guy, but Sirius wouldn't have hung out with him if it wasn't for Harry. Ron was too belligerent and got angry too easily. Sirius usually teased his friends mercilessly, so dealing with Ron was a bit of a headache. Sirius did, however, value Harry's friendship, and Harry was best friends with Ron. Sirius knew that Harry, Ron and Hermione were a package deal. Sirius was grateful that Hermione spent a lot of her time with her nose in a book. He could handle Ron. Hermione drove him up a wall.

Ron finally found his voice. "I'm just waiting for the right moment is all."

Sirius shook his head, but decided to stay silent. None of the boys noticed Hermione standing outside of the slightly cracked door, her face beet red.

* * *

A few weeks later, Hermione and Ginny sat cross legged on Ginny's bed. Neither had been able to sleep due to the raging thunderstorm battering the Burrow, causing the entire house to shift and groan. Hermione was rather nervous, but Ginny had promised that the Burrow was stronger than it looked and that it wouldn't collapse around their ears.

"So, has my brother asked you out yet?" Ginny asked, running a brush through her hair.

Hermione shook her head. "No. I heard him, Harry and Sirius talking about it the other day. Sirius was trying to convince him, but Ron kind of blew him off."

Ginny paused. "I wonder why?"

"Apparently he's 'waiting for the right moment.'" Hermione said, rolling her eyes.

"Didn't you drag him out to town last week? Just the two of you?" Ginny asked, laying the brush down. Hermione nodded, causing Ginny to giggle. "So 'waiting for the right moment' is guy language for 'I'm a big chicken."

"Apparently. Ginny, am I ugly?"

"What? No! Of course not! Why would you think that?" Ginny was stunned. Had her brother really said something so stupid?

"It's just something I heard Sirius say," the brunette said, looking slightly crestfallen.

"What did he say?" Ginny asked, tensing. She had a slight crush on the older boy. He was just so… dashing. Like a rogue. He'd shown up out of nowhere, some lost son from Sirius Black's philandering days. It had all been rather mysterious, and Ginny sensed that she wasn't told the whole picture. She really hoped that he hadn't said anything that would make her hate him.

"Nothing mean. He just said that 'my hair was going to get worse with age.' He was talking to Ron." Ginny sighed in relief. That wasn't too bad.

"He kind of has a point, sweetie. If you don't take care of it, it's only going to get worse." Hermione turned a slight shade of pink. "Who cuts your hair, anyway? They should lose their license."

"My mother…" Hermione said quietly. "That's why it's so long. I haven't had a haircut in forever. She's been cutting it since I was a little girl."

Ginny was gobsmacked. "Seriously? I haven't let my mother cut my hair since I was ten. Pretty much all of my spending money goes towards my hair and makeup."

"It just seemed like a waste of money. Who cares what my hair looks like?" Hermione replied.

"Boys. Boys care what your hair looks like," Ginny replied, trying to keep her frustration out of her voice. "Trust me, it's worth the money. Think about my brothers' and parents' hair. Do any of them have straight, silky locks?" Hermione shook her head. "Neither do I! I pay extra for a straightening charm every time I get it cut. You can usually tell when I need to get another haircut because the charm will start wearing off and the whole thing will start to curl.

Hermione seemed stunned, which surprised Ginny. With all that magic was capable of, did Hermione honestly suspect that her hair was really untamable?

"I'll tell you what. Once our Hogwarts letters get here I'll convince my mum to take us into Diagon Alley to get it cut and styled. We're not on Voldemort's hit list, so it shouldn't be too hard."

* * *

Ron was lying in bed, trying to fall back asleep, but his mind kept wandering. He had expected Sirius to be more fun. However, he seemed content to read in his free time. Granted, the Marauder had come up with a whole bunch of pranks to pull on Malfoy and Snape once school started, but lately Sirius had reminded him of Hermione, but not in a good way.

Sirius was friendly enough, but he seemed a little distant to Ron. He tried to be understanding and empathetic like Hermione had suggested, but Ron had the distinct impression that Sirius didn't really care for him. Worse still, Sirius had begun teasing him about Hermione every time he visited. It was getting old.

However, the final straw had come when Sirius had shown up for Harry's birthday party with a dozen bags of clothes. Black had claimed that he couldn't stand to see Harry in those tattered rags of Dudley's anymore, and had insisted that he burn them. Harry had been awestruck at the new wardrobe, which included a nice watch that had cost as much as Ron's dad made in a month.

Ron had honestly tried to contain his jealousy, but he hated the fact that all of his friends had so much more money than him. Even Hermione always had pocket money. Sirius had seen the look on Ron's face and dragged him upstairs, telling him off for being so petty. Ron had ended up shouting, but Sirius didn't seem fazed in the slightest.

"Are you done?" Sirius had asked, smirking, which had only caused Ron to start shouting again. Eventually, Ron had yelled himself hoarse and Sirius had started berating him again, telling him that it was immature to expect Harry to dress like a pauper. He had gone on to say that if Ron was really Harry's friend, he'd understand that this was a good thing, that it would build Harry's confidence.

Ron understood where Sirius was coming from, and he tried to look at it like Harry's godfather had bought him clothes. That had made swallowing the whole thing a lot easier. It was Sirius's job to make sure that Harry was well-dressed in clothes that fit him. Ron had ended up mumbling an apology, which Sirius had graciously accepted before they went back down to the dining room. Luckily, Ron's room was on the top floor, so his rampage hadn't reached the ears of anyone downstairs.

Ron imagined what Hermione would have said if she had heard some of the things he'd said to Sirius. She would have been furious, called him a child, and never agreed to date him. Ron swore that he would control his jealousy, though he knew that it wouldn't be an easy vow to keep.

Ron didn't feel like sleeping anymore, so he hopped out of bed and shook Harry awake. The pair thundered down the stairs to see Mrs. Weasley and Fleur setting the table for breakfast. Perfect timing.

"You two are up early," Mrs. Weasley commented dryly. "I normally don't have to deal with miscreants for another hour."

"We couldn't sleep," Ron explained, shrugging his shoulders.

"He couldn't sleep," Harry said grumpily. "I was having a nice dream."

Mrs. Weasley shot Ron a half-hearted glare that Ron ignored as he started demolishing a stack of toast. He heard Hermione and Ginny come down the stairs behind him, and they all sat in companionable silence.

Ron had just finished his third helping of bacon, when he heard Hermione squeal. She ran from her chair and started pointing at the window. Ron craned his neck and saw four owls flapping their way towards the Burrow. The redhead felt his stomach drop. His O.W.L. results had finally come, and he was positive that it would be bad news.

* * *

"Sirius! Get up!"

Sirius rolled over and shoved a pillow over his head. He had been staying with Moony at Grimmauld Place all summer, and Remus had taken it upon himself to act like his parent, or something. What else was new? Remus had been the responsible one for as long as Sirius could remember, but now he'd taken his nagging to a whole new level:

"Did you do your Potions assignment?"

"Did you write that essay for McGonagall?"

"When will you be home?"

It was enough to drive Sirius crazy. Even his own parents hadn't been as strict as Moony. If he didn't like the blighter so much, he'd have hit him by now.

"Sirius! Your O.W.L. results are here! Get up!"

Sirius toyed with the idea of lying in bed and making Moony come get him, but ultimately decided against it. If he did, his friend would be crabby all morning. Groaning, Sirius rolled out of bed and fumbled for a t-shirt. After three failed attempts, he finally put the bloody thing on correctly and grumbled his way down the stairs.

"Good morning. Nice of you to join the land of the living. It's only eleven," Remus said brightly, sliding Sirius a bowl of cereal.

"Ugh."

"Nice to see you, too. You're O.W.L. results are here."

"Coffee first. O.W.L.s later." Remus just laughed as he passed Sirius the coffeepot. Thankfully, the coffee was still hot.

After a short breakfast and a couple cups of coffee, Sirius decided to bite the bullet and check his O.W.L. results. He didn't know why he was so nervous. He always did well on tests. Besides, as long as he got good enough grades to get into the Auror Academy, he was solid. Taking a deep breath, Sirius tore open the letter.

 **Ordinary Wizarding Level Results**

 **Sirius Orion Black IV has earned the following:**

Passing Grades: O (Outstanding), E (Exceeds Expectations), A (Acceptable)

Failing Grades: P (Poor), D (Dreadful), T (Troll)

 **Arithmancy: A**

 **Ancient Runes: E**

 **Astronomy: A**

 **Care of Magical Creatures: O**

 **Charms: O**

 **Defense Against the Dark Arts: O**

 **Herbology: E**

 **History of Magic: P**

 **Potions: O**

 **Transfiguration: E**

 **Sirius Orion Black IV has earned O.W.L.'s in the following subjects: Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Astronomy, Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, Potions and Transfiguration for a total of** **9** **O.W.L.s.**

Sirius gaped at his grades. He had done a lot better than he expected, even netting an 'O' in Potions. Remus looked at him expectantly, and Sirius handed him the paper while he read the accompanying letter.

 _Dear Mr. Black,_

 _It is very rare that we see a homeschooled student such as yourself achieve such Outstanding marks. Professor Dumbledore has informed us that you are enrolling in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for your N.E.W.T. level classes. All of us at the Examinations Board eagerly anticipate what you can do with a more formal learning environment. It was a pleasure meeting you, and all the best._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Griselda Marchbanks_

"Very well done! I can't believe you got an 'O' in Potions! Aren't you glad I made you stay home and study for an extra week?"

"Yes, 'Dad.' I'm positively thrilled."

Remus ignored the jibe and turned back to the results. "I do wonder why you only scored a 'P' in History. If I remember right, you scored an 'E' the first time."

Sirius laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "The examiner had a nice bum."

Moony stared at him for a moment. "Are you serious?"

"The one and only."

"Wow… Just… wow," Moony started chuckling. "That is so… you! I'm so glad to have you back, Padfoot."

"I'm glad to be back," Sirius said, smirking. "Is it alright if I head to the Burrow today? I want to see Harry's scores. I'd also like to pick up my books and stuff from Diagon Alley."

"That shouldn't be a problem, as long as Tonks agrees to come along," Moony said, looking over Sirius's scores again. "I _am_ proud of you Padfoot."

"Stop, you're making me blush."

* * *

An hour later, Sirius popped out of the Weasley's fireplace in a sea of emerald flames. He was dressed in what he had come to term "summer clothes." Shorts, t-shirt, flip-flops and shades.

"Hello, boys and girls!"

"Sirius!" Harry called from the dining room, beaming. "I didn't know you were coming today!"

"I wasn't planning on it, but O.W.L. results came today, so I figured I'd swing by. I hope that's alright, Mrs. Weasley." Sirius always made a point to be nice to the Weasley matriarch. After all, you never knew when you'd need a favor from an Old Family. The Weasleys may have been broke, but they were still considered an Old Family, and as such had a modicum of political power. Plus, she was nice, if a little over bearing.

"It's no problem, dear. I told you to come by anytime," Mrs. Weasley was grinning. "So how did you do on your O.W.L.s?"

"Honestly? Better than I expected or deserved," he replied, handing his results sheet to Harry. His friend glossed over the results before handing them to Hermione.

"I can't believe you scored four 'O's. That's more than Ron and I combined," Harry didn't seem upset, rather the opposite.

"Well when you're this awesome, even the examiners take notice."

"Don't get too big of a head. Hermione scored nine," Harry said, smirking. "Plus, you had two weeks extra to study."

"Only nine?" Sirius asked slyly. "What class did she fail?"

Hermione looked up from his scores irritably. "I _didn't_ fail. I scored an 'Exceeds Expectations' in Defense." She passed his results to Ron. "I'm not the one who failed History of Magic."

"That's totally a class that I was going to go N.E.W.T. level on. I think Binns would die all over again from having to teach an N.E.W.T. level class. Maybe he'd finally talk about more than Goblin wars."

"How do you know about Binns?" Ginny asked innocently. "I thought you were homeschooled."

"Harry told me about all the teachers there," Sirius lied smoothly, elbowing Harry.

"Uhhh… Yeah. I told him about all the classes." Sirius almost face-palmed. Harry was such a horrible liar. It was something they'd have to work on if Harry wanted to prank Cousin Draco.

"Anyways, I'm heading to the Alley today, and I wanted to see if anyone wanted to pick up their school stuff." Just as he expected, everyone wanted to come along.

Also, as he expected, Mrs. Weasley shot down that idea quick, fast, and in a hurry. Of course, everyone started shouting and arguing, and Sirius just leaned back to enjoy the show. It was the little things. Finally, Mrs. Weasley relented under the condition that extra security be present.

"I'm pretty sure Remus and I are going to have an Auror guard there, so it should be fine," Sirius piped up. He knew that Mrs. Weasley wouldn't consider Tonks an appropriate 'guard,' but he didn't care. He had long ago mastered the art of being just vague enough to get what he wanted.

"Well, I'd feel a lot safer if Arthur were to come. Let me just Floo him and see if he can take a few hours off work."

It turned out that Mr. Weasley had some time to spare, so the Weasleys, plus Harry, Hermione, and Sirius, all floo'd to the Leaky Cauldron to meet up with Remus and Tonks. Sirius had openly laughed when Harry fell flat on his face coming out of the floo, but helped his friend to his feet.

"How'd you go through without falling all over yourself?" Harry asked him under his breath.

"Just keep walking," Sirius whispered. "If you stop moving, you'll fall every time."

"What about Portkeys?"

"Bend your knees, like you've just jumped off a balcony."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

As the group made their way through Diagon Alley, Mrs. Weasley seemed to be handling their shopping trip like a military mission.

"Ginny and Hermione, you said you had someplace to be?" Both girls nodded. "Alright, Tonks, would you mind taking them? The rest of you, with me and Arthur while Remus and Sirius pick up books. Sirius, are you sure you don't need new robes? You've grown so much over the summer."

"I'm fine," Sirius answered. "I picked them up last week when I bought my Potions stuff and cauldron."

"If you're sure, dear. Everyone meet up at the Twin's shop in an hour."

* * *

Hermione was feeling really nervous. She'd never been to a beauty salon, and a part of her was worried that the beautician would take one look at her hair and declare it a lost cause. Ginny had assured her that they would be able to do anything, even make it longer if she wanted. The redhead had advised against that idea, however.

"I don't understand why you have to go to a beauty salon to straighten your hair, Ginny."

"Anyone can use a straightening charm, but it doesn't last very long. Only beauticians know how to make it last awhile, and they don't give away their secrets. It is their livelihood, after all," Ginny replied brightly.

"It just seems like such a stupid thing to spend so much money on," Hermione reiterated for the thousandth time. She didn't really see the point. "If a guy only likes me for my looks, then what's the point?"

Ginny laughed. "You _attract_ them by looking pretty. You _keep_ them by being smart and fun. A pretty bimbo can attract all kinds of guys, but she'll never keep a steady boyfriend that's worth anything."

"Listen to her," Tonks said brightly. "I don't normally break out the bubblegum pink until the third date. It's my way of letting them know I'm a metamorphmagus."

Hermione saw the logic there, but that didn't mean she had to like it. Why was everyone so shallow? A feeling of dread washed over her as they entered a beauty parlor called Miss Pink's House of Beauty. It was as bad as she expected. The walls and ceiling were bimbo pink, while the floor was a soft shade of lavender. The two colors clashed horribly.

Ginny gripped Hermione's arm to keep her from running out the door. "Don't worry. It's not as bad as it looks."

"Hi! Welcome to Mrs. Pink's! How can I help-" The twenty-something girl behind the counter's eyes fell on Hermione. "Poor girl! Who did this to your hair?!"

"She just hasn't had it styled in a while," Ginny said acidly. "She needs the full package. Nails and everything."

Hermione started to argue, but no one was really listening.

"I'm sorry honey, but we're booked right now," Hermione breathed a sigh of relief.

"Look, this is her last chance to get it cut before she goes off to Hogwarts next week. Are you really going to let her go to school like this?" Ginny asked, her brown eyes tearing up. Hermione's protests were cut off by Ginny's unnaturally bony elbow digging into her side.

"Give me a moment. I'll see what I can do." The young woman disappeared through a side door, her blonde hair swishing behind her.

"What was that about?" Hermione asked indignantly.

"Do you know how long I've been wanting to get you in here? I'm not going to be denied by that bimbo," Ginny replied huffily. Tonks started giggling.

"I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this," the older woman said. "Being a metamorph definitely has its perks."

"Shut it, you," Hermione griped.

The blonde came back through the door, followed by a beautiful brunette. The woman appeared to be in her mid-thirties. She took a long, hard look at Hermione.

"Amber, you weren't exaggerating. I'll take care of her myself," she held out her hand. "My name is Miss Pink, but you can call me Isabella."

Hermione shook her hand. "Lovely store you have here, Isabella. My name's Hermione."

"Thank you, Hermione. Such a pretty name. Come on back and we'll get you sorted out."

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Harry and Ron were waiting impatiently outside of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes when Sirius and Remus finally made their way to the store. It had taken longer than expected to pick up everyone's school books, especially since Sirius had decided to browse the Charms section. He hadn't found anything interesting that he didn't already own, so they purchased the books and had dropped them off at Grimmauld Place.

"Did you find everything?" Mrs. Weasley asked when she noticed they weren't carrying anything.

"It went fine, Molly," Remus replied comfortingly. "We just dropped everything back at our place so we didn't have to haul it around. We even saved receipts." He dropped a handful of coins into Mrs. Weasley's hand.

Mrs. Weasley nodded, then went back to searching up and down the street. She gasped when she saw Tonks jogging towards them, alone.

"Where's Ginny and Hermione?" She asked frantically.

"Still doing their thing," Tonks replied brightly. "I just came back to tell you that it's taking a little longer than expected. "You might as well go inside. I'll bring them here as soon as she's done."

"As soon as who's done?" Ron asked bluntly.

Tonks winked at him slyly. "Never you mind. You'll see soon enough."

"Is she doing well?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"After we finally got her in the chair, everything settled down. She nearly hyperventilated when Isabella told her what she wanted to do."

"Isabella?"

"She's the owner."

"Well, as long as she's safe," Mrs. Weasley said. "Please look after them."

"Will do." Tonks gave them all a wave before jogging back down Diagon Alley.

"I wonder what that's about." Ron commented.

"No idea. Anyways, let's go see Fred and George," Harry replied. "Sirius, I have something to tell you."

Sirius arched an eyebrow as he followed Mr. Weasley into the store. This should be good. "I already know, Harry. I'm honored that you chose me to come out to."

"Prat. This is serious!" Harry said while Ron smirked.

"No, I'm Sirius."

"Can you just listen for two seconds? Ron and I followed Malfoy down towards Knockturn Alley. He was up to something." Sirius grinned. He loved secrets. "He went into a shop called Borgin and Burkes. It sells Dark artifacts."

"I can't imagine a Malfoy buying a Dark artifact. What is the world coming to?" Sirius didn't really see the point. "Did you see what he was buying?"

"No. We couldn't get close enough. The cloak's not really big enough for two people anymore," Harry said. "But we were able to see hear him. He showed Borgin something that really freaked him out."

"Scared the daylights out of him, more like." Ron chimed in.

"Was it his wiener?" Sirius asked, grinning. Ron started laughing hysterically, and even Harry started to chuckle.

"I think he's taken the Dark Mark," Harry said solemnly.

"That makes sense," Sirius agreed. Ron gawked at him.

"Don't you think he's too young? You-Know-Who wouldn't take a student as a Death Eater," Ron protested hotly.

"He did before. I know for a fact that Bella took her Mark at sixteen. She showed it off to my mum," Sirius remembered that day well. It was the day he finally realized that his family would never be anything but Dark. Bella had been congratulated, seen as a hero among the family for taking the Mark so young. "Anyways, there's nothing we can do about it right now. Might as well check out all this awesome pranking material."

Harry nodded, though Sirius could tell that this would be a topic of many future discussions. Ron still seemed miffed that Sirius had sided with Harry, but Sirius really couldn't care less.

They spent a half hour checking out the merchandise, and Sirius had gotten the chance to meet the infamous Fred and George. He immediately liked them, and had spent the next half hour trading pranking stories with the two Weasleys. He was careful to edit the names and places to not arouse suspicion.

Finally, Arthur announced that he had to go back to work. Hermione, Ginny and Tonks still hadn't shown up yet, so Mrs. Weasley started dragging them all down the Alley and into a store called Mrs. Pink's House of Beauty. Sirius was awestruck. Hermione had really gone to a beauty parlor? Maybe his subtle hints hadn't gone over her head.

"Thanks so much, Isabella. I don't know how I can ever repay you," Hermione's voice echoed from the back, getting steadily closer.

"Well you can start by paying me, dear," A feminine voice replied, followed by a chorus of girly giggles. Sirius found himself strangely excited to see Hermione after a decent haircut, and he could tell Ron felt the same way.

He couldn't believe his eyes as she turned the corner.

* * *

Hermione studied her reflection as Isabella finished buffing her nails. It had been a trying two hours, but she could hardly argue with the results. To be honest, she barely recognized herself. Gone was the chestnut bushy mane that stretched down her back. Instead, her hair was cut so that it _almost_ touched her shoulders. Isabella had layered and teased it perfectly, parting it on the left. A few feathered strands of hair threatened to cover her right eye, but never quite did. Isabella had also darkened it a few shades. It was now the color of dark chocolate with honey blonde highlights.

Hermione was also wearing makeup for the second time in her life. Isabella had shown her what to do as she applied each cosmetic and Hermione felt that with a little practice she could mimic the look. Originally, she had been against the black eyeliner dark eyeshadow, but when it was combined with her new hairdo, it didn't look trashy like she thought it would. A light blush adorned her cheeks, and her lips had been glossed. All in all, Hermione thought she looked… hot. Like, really hot. She had never thought of herself as pretty, but now she could see what everyone else had seen at the Yule Ball. The best part? The look was low maintenance. Isabella had assured her that with a little practice, she'd be able to get ready in under half an hour. Granted, that was twenty five minutes longer than Hermione usually gave to her appearance, but she decided that it was worth it.

She couldn't wait to see the boys' reactions. Harry would probably stare a lot like he did at the Yule Ball, while Ron would probably be unable to speak for the rest of the day. Sirius, on the other hand, she had no clue how he'd react. In her mind's eye she saw him groveling at her feet, begging for forgiveness for ever calling her undateable. She'd laugh and turn away, telling him that he'd had his chance and that she was with Ron.

"You're all finished, honey," Isabella said, drawing Hermione out of her daydream.

Hermione turned to Ginny and Tonks. "So? What do you think?"

Ginny spoke first. "Hermione, if I ever see you with that bird's nest you called hair ever again, I'm going to slap you and never speak to you again. You look amazing. You can certainly do better than my moron of a brother. Beauty and Brains? Look out Hogwarts, Hermione is in town!"

"Agreed," Tonks said seriously. "And I hit harder than she does." Hermione glared at her friends before the three of them broke into a fit of giggles.

"I promise. Never again," Hermione vowed as she followed Isabella toward the front. "Thank you so much, Isabella. I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"Well you can start by paying me dear," Isabella grinned, causing a fresh round of giggles.

Hermione started rummaging through her purse as she turned the corner, and stopped dead in her tracks. Ron, Harry, and Sirius were all standing there, with the elder Weasleys and Lupin a few feet behind.

Ron and Harry's reactions were exactly like she predicted. Ron's eyes had the slightly glazed look he wore whenever he talked to Fleur, while Harry's mouth had opened in shock. Sirius, however, just gave her a single appreciative look that travelled her entire body before smirking and turning away.

Hermione decided that she hated Sirius in that moment.

* * *

As Hermione rounded the corner Sirius forced himself to play it cool, but it was a close thing. Hermione looked stunning. She had deserted the realm of "Needs Work" and skipped right past "Snoggable" and "Shaggable" to land firmly under "Dateable." He gave her one appreciative glance before tearing his gaze away from her.

His mind cast about for a topic that didn't include chocolate colored hair, but he drew a blank. Remus seemed unwilling to help him. Asshole.

"So… what are the Hogwarts Houses again?" He finally asked, feeling stupid.

Moony finally took pity on him. "Your _father_ was in Gryffindor, where dwell the brave of heart." The old man was having far too much fun at his expense.

"Cool," he replied lamely. Merlin's beard, would someone say something?

"Oh, Hermione! You look so beautiful!" Mrs. Weasley squealed, which broke the spell that seemed to be cast over the group. Everyone rushed to start fawning over Hermione's new look except for Sirius and Remus.

"Amateur," Sirius said under his breath as he watched Ron stutter out a compliment.

"I thought you didn't steal other guys' girls?" Moony mocked in a low voice.

"She's not his girl. Not yet, at least. She's still fair game."

* * *

 **A/N: And there's Chapter 3! I know that I'm a dick for leaving it there, but I'm okay with it. I hope you enjoyed the Chapter, and stick around for Chapter 4: The Sorting Hat's Revenge. Reviews are always appreciated!**


	4. Chapter 4: The Sorting Hat's Revenge

**DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, it's not mine.**

 **Through the Veil and Black Again by Justin Jossart**

 **Chapter 4: The Sorting Hat's Revenge**

* * *

"Why didn't you pack last night? Or the day before? Or you could have gotten up early and packed then! Now we're going to miss the bloody train!"

Sirius grinned as he watched the vein in Moony's temple start to throb. When the werewolf had been in school, it had taken so much to make him angry. He had always been level headed and the calm one of the Marauders. Now, Sirius was able to aggravate his old friend with barely a modicum of effort.

Take today, for instance. Remus had called up the ancient stairs of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, demanding for the third time that Sirius drag himself out of bed. It was an innocuous request, especially since today was the day that children from all over the country would be returning to Hogwarts. Sirius had decided to play a small prank on Remus. Remus had told him that the taxi to King's Cross Station and Platform Nine and Three –Quarters was parked outside. Sirius had replied that he just needed to finish packing. He had packed the night before; he just wanted to give the old man an aneurism. It was the little things that made life interesting.

"You packed last night didn't you?" Remus groaned, coming to the realization that he'd been played as Sirius's grin grew even wider. "You're just taking the piss out of me."

"Got it in one, Moony," Sirius laughed. "I can't help it. Your face turns this interesting shade of purple whenever you get really mad. It didn't used to do that."

"You're going to be the death of me, you know that?" Remus started rubbing his temples. Sirius could practically see his blood pressure rising.

"Probably. But I guarantee that it'll be fun."

"Fun for whom?" Remus asked wearily as he stalked away.

Sirius couldn't help but feel bad. It hadn't even been a real prank, just a spur of the moment thing. Now Moony was all upset and they had a cab waiting outside. Remus reappeared, fastening his cloak.

"Let's get this over with. Go get your trunk." Great. Now the old man was Moody. Sirius chuckled at his own joke as he ran upstairs and grabbed the trunk and dragged it to the top of the stairs. Sirius took a moment to align it perfectly. There was something he'd always wanted to do, but didn't dare while he lived with his parents.

"Look out below!" He called, before giving the thing a massive kick, sending it sliding down the stairs. It hit the table by the door and reduced it to kindling with an almighty crash. Sirius winced. That wasn't supposed to happen. Shrugging, he grabbed Tobias's cage, rushed down the stairs and dragged his trunk out the door. The red-tail gave an angry shriek at being manhandled so roughly, but Sirius _really_ needed to get out of the house, fast. Remus was less likely to yell at him in public, and he'd probably cool down before Christmas.

"Care to tell me what happened to the end table?" Moony asked as helped Sirius load his trunk into the cab's boot. Sirius avoided his eyes, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"It was a casualty of war. Completely unavoidable," Sirius replied glibly, ignoring Moony's incredulous look as he and Tobias slid into the backseat of the taxi. The cab smelled of old cigarettes and booze, causing Sirius to gag slightly. He turned his attention to his oldest mate. He didn't mean to give Remus such a hard time. Sometimes he just had a tendency of acting before thinking things through. It was a great quality for a Quidditch player, but lousy for a friend.

Moony got in the other side and told the driver to take them to King's Cross. Nodding the cabbie pulled out from Grimmauld Place and down the narrow streets of London. Sirius couldn't help but take a last look at Grimmauld Place. Despite Moony's nagging, the Black scion had never had so much fun in that house. It was weird to reminisce of good times that weren't such a distant memory, but it seemed to help Remus. Moony had obviously had a rough couple of decades, and Sirius felt bad that he hadn't been there for his friend.

"Moony, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you such a hard time," Sirius said as they unloaded his trunk, setting the black behemoth down on the pavement outside of King's Cross Station. "If I'd have known it would upset you so much, I wouldn't have done it."

Remus sighed. "You need to stop and think, Padfoot. Kicking your trunk down the stairs was unnecessary, when you could have just as easily carried it down like an adult."

"I know," Sirius said, hanging his head. "I just… Sometimes I don't think. I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Remus said, his voice softening. "I never liked that table, anyway. Sometimes it's easy to forget that you're essentially a teenager again. Now, do you have your story straight?"

"My name is Sirius Black IV. I was homeschooled by you until you decided that it'd be best that I take my N.E.W.T. courses at Hogwarts." Remus nodded, gesturing for Sirius to continue. "By the way, who's this Kelly Somerset who's supposed to be my mum?"

"You dated her for about a year after Hogwarts. You even ended up living together for a time. The dates matched up with your 'birth', and anyone who knew you would believe that you'd had a kid with her," Moony explained. "James really liked her. He kept telling me that you'd finally found 'the one' and would stop sleeping with anything that had two legs and a vagina."

"What happened? Why didn't it work out?"

"You asked her to marry you," Remus said simply. "She said no. The relationship fell apart after that. I don't think I'd ever seen you so depressed about a girl."

"Why'd she say no?"

"You never said," Remus replied sadly. "Just that she said no."

"Oh." Sirius couldn't imagine ever settling down with a girl, but apparently he had. "That sucks."

"James thought so, too. He was nearly as depressed as you were. He got so mad at you, saying that you, saying that you must have screwed things up somewhere."

"So, how'd I meet her?" Sirius asked, suddenly curious.

"She was one of Lilly's bridesmaids. A childhood friend of hers and a Muggle. You were so offended that she wouldn't sleep with you after the wedding that you made it a point to date her until she 'gave up the goods.' By the time she did, you were head over heels." Remus sighed. "It was the happiest I'd ever seen you."

"Oh," Sirius replied again, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. He decided that he needed to stop asking questions about his "future-past," as Moony called it. It seemed to bum Remus out, and the man had enough heartache in his life. "Moony, I'd like to thank you… for everything you've done for me this summer. I know it wasn't easy."

"You would have done the same for me, had our roles been reversed. You may not have been so mature about it, though," Remus replied with a small smile.

"Probably not," Sirius agreed lightheartedly.

"Now that you're back in school, I can put more hours in at the shop." Remus had taken up Ron's idea of working for Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, and was apparently enjoying the work. He had helped the boys develop a line of Shield Hats that would protect against minor to moderate jinxes and curses. The Ministry of Magic had ordered over a hundred for all their essential employees.

"Joy. I can't wait to graduate so I can get a job," Sirius replied dully.

"It's not as bad as you think. Working gives you a sense of accomplishment. You'll see."

"Thanks 'dad.'" Sirius snarked. "I guess I should go, then."

"Yes, you should. Take care of yourself, and look after Harry," Remus replied, surprising Sirius with a firm hug.

"Will do," Sirius said with a jaunty wave as he passed through the barrier to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. The platform was positively thronged with people, parents and children saying goodbye to one another. Friends greeted one another after months apart. It was exactly as Sirius remembered it.

Except that James wasn't there. It would be Sirius's first train ride without him, and he didn't even have Moony's presence to take the edge off. The werewolf had been the only thing keeping Sirius from breaking down. Now there was no one. He had Harry, but as much as he looked like him, Harry wasn't James. He reminded Sirius more of Lilly than Prongs. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, just different.

Then there was Ron. Ron was okay, but Sirius hadn't been able to forge a deep connection with him like he had Moony or James. Besides, he and the redhead were now in direct competition for the affections for one Hermione Granger, a competition in which that Ron had a five year head start. Furthermore, he and Ron were both going to be trying out for the Keeper position on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Ron had the inside track on that, as well, as he was the new captain's best friend.

Sirius debated giving Ron one or the other. He'd either let the redhead keep his spot on the Quidditch team and order some Chaser gear, or he'd take a step back and let Ron have Hermione without competition. Sirius had a feeling that things between he and the youngest male Weasley were going to come to a head sooner rather than later. The last Black couldn't help but wonder if he'd still have any friends left after the dust settled.

Maybe he'd be better off letting Ron have both Hermione _and_ the Keeper spot. Weasley wasn't a bad bloke and most of the time he was fun to be around. If he let himself, Sirius knew that he and the redhead could probably become really good friends. Ron would have to develop some thicker skin, and Padfoot would have to find a filter for his mouth, but things could work out.

That made up his mind. Sirius could probably take a Chaser spot, no problem. If that failed, he could just move on to Beater. Apparently Gryffindor had lost its Beaters halfway through the previous season. Sirius just thought knocking the Bludger around was boring. He'd much rather be scoring goals or guarding the hoops. However, he'd make a sacrifice to smooth over his relationship with Ron.

Then there was the issue of Hermione. Ron obviously deeply cared about her, and Sirius had only just met her. Furthermore, the attraction was purely physical. She may be smoking hot, but her bossy attitude left a lot to be desired. Trying to date Hermione would only alienate Ron and, by extension, Harry. There were probably plenty of pretty birds in the school. There was no reason to go after the only one that would give Ron the time of day.

Shaking his head, Sirius boarded the train. He peeked into a few compartments, looking for his friends, but he didn't see them. They must be running late. He planned to find an empty compartment, but as he passed a compartment containing a couple girls already wearing their Hogwarts uniforms, he couldn't help himself. He might as well introduce himself to his fellow Gryffindors. The conversation in the compartment stopped as he slid the compartment door open.

"Hi," he said, giving his most winning smile. "Is it alright if I sit here?" There were three girls in the compartment. One was a blonde wearing Gryffindor red. She was stunningly pretty and had one of the nicest racks he'd ever seen. The other two girls were identical twins, one wearing red, and the other blue. They looked to be of Indian decent, and they were both pretty, though not as pretty as the blonde.

The three girls blushed and bent their heads together. Finally, after a few moments they leaned back. The blonde with sizeable assets addressed him. "If you want," she said casually, though her eyes danced with mischief. Sirius had a feeling he was going to get along well with her.

"Cool," he said, dragging his trunk in and sliding it into the overhead compartment. He sat next to the blonde, close enough so that they were _almost_ touching.

"I'm Lavender Brown, and this Parvati and Padma Patil," the blonde said, sneaking in an appreciative glance.

"Pleasure. My name's Sirius." He saw a look of recognition flash across her face, but decided to ignore it. "Red, that's Gryffindor, right?"

"Yep! Parvati and I are Gryffindors, while Padma got herself sorted into Ravenclaw." Padma made a face, but everyone else just laughed.

"Ouch. From what I've heard, Gryffindor is the House to be in. Apparently they get all the pretty girls," It was really a compliment to all three girls, even though Padma was a Ravenclaw. She did look exactly like her sister, after all.

The girls laughed. "So, are you new? I've never seen you around school before," one of the twins said, leaning forward. Sirius was glad that one of them wore Ravenclaw blue. Otherwise he'd never be able to tell them apart.

"Yeah," Sirius replied. "I was homeschooled. My guardian didn't think it was safe for me to go to Hogwarts till now, you know how it is."

"Guardian? What happened to your parents?" The other twin asked him quizzically.

"Padma! Stop being rude!" Lavender chided, looking embarrassed. Sirius could see a hint of inquisitiveness, too. Apparently he wasn't the only one who liked secrets.

"I was just curious!"

"It's alright," Sirius said, cutting off their little argument. "I never really met my dad. He went to Azkaban when I was a baby. My mom died a couple years ago." Sirius wasn't surprised at how easily the lies rolled off his tongue. He had been lying to stay out of trouble for a long time. The old Marauder mantra: I didn't do it.

"I knew it!" Lavender shouted. "Your dad is Sirius Black!" The twins turned to stare at him, eyes widened.

"Yeah. I was as surprised as anyone when we found out he was innocent, then the blighter goes and gets himself killed. Not that it really matters. He wasn't exactly around much before he went away." Sirius made sure to mix in enough angst and rebel to draw them in, while keeping it light and charming.

"Wow, that sounds horrible," Lavender sympathized, rubbing his shoulder. Merlin, it was almost too easy.

"Well, all you can do is carry on. Anyways, enough about me. What's your favorite class?"

Sirius listened to the three girls jabber on for a while about which classes and teachers they liked the best. Lavender and Parvati, surprisingly enough, favored Divination, while Padma liked Charms. Everyone agreed that Snape was their least favorite teacher. Sirius had a feeling that Snivellus was universally disliked at Hogwarts. Except for maybe the

"So, what House do you think you'll be in?" Padma queried. "Ravenclaw has the nicest tower."

"But Gryffindor has best Quidditch team," Lavender interjected.

"As if! Without Fred, George and Angelina, you guys are going to get creamed. Besides, you have Ron on the hoops."

Sirius winked at Parvati, who seemed completely disinterested in Quidditch talk. "I'll definitely be a Gryff. Could you imagine being sorted into Slytherin?" All three girls shuddered. "I hear that there isn't a decent bloke among them."

"There isn't, though they do have the _hottest_ guys, I wouldn't give them the time of day," Lavender huffed. "They're all so full of themselves."

"What are you talking about? Ravenclaw has Terry Boot," Padma argued. "He's easily the cutest guy in our year."

"As if! Slytherin has Blaise _and_ Draco," Lavender retorted. "Besides, it doesn't matter. Us Gryffindors only have Ron, Neville and Seamus. Nevilles pudgy, Ron has worse table manners than a hippogriff, and Seamus is about as smart as a box of stones."

"What about Dean? He's cute," Parvati said thoughtfully.

Lavender rolled her eyes. "Dean's taken. Ginny's got him so wrapped around her finger it isn't even funny."

"Isn't Harry a Gryffindor?" Sirius interjected.

"You know Harry?" Lavender asked, eyes gleaming.

"Yeah I spent a lot of the summer with him, Ron and Hermione. Mine and Harry's dads were apparently really good friends at Hogwarts." Sirius paused, trying to think of a way to talk up his friend. "From what I hear, Harry's a really good Seeker, and he's got that whole 'hero' thing going on."

"Yeah, he's cute and all, but he has no idea how to treat a lady," Lavender argued. "He took Parvati to the Yule Ball and then didn't even talk to her."

"He was probably shy, or something," Sirius said, trying to defend his friend.

Parvati huffed. "That's why he was staring at Hermione Granger all night. He's shy." Well that was interesting. Harry hadn't shown any interest in Hermione when Sirius had been around him.

"Well at least I'll be around to raise the Gryffindor standard," Sirius joked. "Then the Gryffs will have the hottest guy and the prettiest girls."

* * *

Sirius spent a pleasant afternoon in the company of Lavender and the Patil twins. He was pretty sure that Lavender would jump his bones given half a chance, and Sirius was sorely tempted to give her that chance. She was quite striking, in a blonde model kind of way, and seemed fun. He had no idea why Hermione didn't like her.

The Patil twins gave him all sorts of naughty ideas, though. He'd never dated twins before, and he had the feeling that if he shagged Lavender that Parvati would be off the table. It was a dilemma, to say the least, though Sirius was confident that things would work themselves out.

He was surprised when a Hufflepuff prefect stopped by to let them know that they would be arriving at Hogwarts in less than ten minutes. He hadn't even seen any of his friends the entire trip. He had only meant to stop by for a few minutes while he waited for Harry to show up, and had ended up spending the entire evening flirting with three pretty girls.

"You'd better get changed into your uniform. They don't like it when you show up without it," Lavender said, blushing.

"I guess," Sirius replied with a wink. After grabbing a uniform from his trunk, he proceeded to strip off his shirt, showing off his abs. He'd put in the pain, time to get with the gain. Lavender eyed him hungrily as he buttoned his white Hogwarts shirt and shrugged on his robes. He'd intentionally left the top two buttons of his shirt undone and hadn't bothered to tie his robes closed. He threw the tie back in his trunk. It was the same look he'd worn last time he'd attended Hogwarts, and he'd be damned if he changed it. He couldn't count the number of points McGonagall had taken from him for "inappropriate attire."

"Wow…" Lavender said, slightly starry eyed. The twins seemed to echo her sentiment.

"The staring's making me really uncomfortable," Sirius joked, grinning. "And I think you're starting to drool." The girls all blushed as the train slowed to a stop. It really was too easy.

Waving goodbye to Lavender and the twins, Sirius double checked to make sure his wand was still in his back pocket. Sirius hopped off the train and searched for a familiar face. After a moment's search, he spotting Ron and Hermione helping Hagrid herd first years. "Hey! Where were you guys?" Sirius called as he pushed his way through the crowd of students.

"Busy," Ron said evasively. "Where's Harry?"

"He wasn't with you?"

"No. He kind of ditched us halfway through the train ride. He got invited to some 'luncheon' and never came back. We figured he was with you."

"Nah, I ended up riding with Lavender and the Patil twins," Sirius replied, looking for a reaction from Hermione. There wasn't one.

"We saw you during our rounds," Hermione said, giggling and brushing her hair out of her eyes. She probably had no idea how gorgeous she was when she did that. "Lavender seemed… friendly."

"You could say that," Sirius replied, trying not to gawk at her. He needed to play it cool.

"So, Sirius Black is back in the saddle then?" Ron asked, smirking as they climbed into one of the school's horseless carriages.

"I don't know. I'm weighing my options at the moment." Ron laughed, and Hermione pursed her lips. "I'm thinking that if I go for the Patil twins first, Lavender would probably shag me later."

"I wouldn't count on it. Lavender and Parvati are really close," Hermione said briskly, her eyes cold.

"How close?" Sirius said with a sly grin. "Close enough to-"

"Ew! You are a dog, Sirius Black!" Hermione's eyes were flashing now.

"What? I know what goes on in girls' dormitories. I especially enjoy the naked pillow fights." Ron looked completely stunned and his eyes glazed over.

Hermione swatted his arm. "Ronald, there are no naked pillow fights!"

"Don't believe her, Ron. She's just too prudish to get invited." Sirius winked at her, and she just glared in return. She was so easy to rile up.

The banter carried them all the way up to Hogwarts. When they exited the carriages, Hermione forced the two boys to stop and wait for Harry again, but as the last Second Years traipsed by with no sign of him, Sirius truly began to worry. He'd promised Moony he'd look out for Harry, and the boy was already missing. He should have waited for him on the platform and stuck by him throughout the train ride. That's what a responsible adult would have done. Instead, he'd let himself be distracted by Lavender's magnificent rack.

"Maybe he's already inside," Ron suggested. Shrugging, Sirius decided that the only thing to do was follow Ron and Hermione. He'd alert Dumbledore or McGonagall at his earliest opportunity. It seemed like that opportunity would come sooner than he expected; Professor McGonagall was standing inside the giant oak doors, her graying hair pulled into a tight bun.

"Mr. Black. I've been waiting for you. Please come with me."

"I didn't do it," Sirius said, mostly out of reflex.

"Didn't do what?" McGonagall asked, her eyes narrowing. Sirius swallowed. He racked his brain for anything he might have done that would cause him to be in trouble. After that failed, he tried to think of things that McGonagall might _think_ he'd done, but he still drew a blank.

"Nothing. I haven't done anything."

"Something to confess, Mr. Black?" McGonagall asked suspiciously.

"Nope," Sirius replied with his most innocent smile. It was a smile that had worked on the Deputy Headmistress before, and that was when he'd _actually_ done something wrong.

"I see," McGonagall said, eyeing him carefully. "You can go Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger. Your friend is safe with me."

Sirius gave his friends a jaunty wave before following Professor McGonagall down the stone corridor. She was walking briskly, and he almost had to jog to keep up. "So, what's this about?"

"Every student has to be Sorted, Mr. Black," McGonagall replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Sirius felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. He definitely didn't like where this was going. "I was under the impression that I would be Sorted separately in Professor Dumbledore's office. I don't really fancy standing in front of the entire school like a kid."

"Be that as it may, the Headmaster has informed me that you are to be Sorted with the First Years." McGonagall misread his expression of panic. "Don't worry, Mr. Black. It's just a few moments in front of the school and you'll be safe at the Gryffindor table."

"So I'll be Sorted into Gryffindor, then?" Sirius asked, his eyes wide. "For sure?"

"It's never a guarantee, but considering who your friends are, and who your father is, I'd be very surprised if you didn't." She led him into a small antechamber off the Great Hall that was already filled with First Years. "Now, we will Sort the First Years, then Dumbledore will introduce you and call you forward. There's no need to fret, Mr. Black."

"Professor! I nearly forgot! Harry wasn't at the Hogsmeade station with the rest of us. I have no clue where he is, and Ron and Hermione are really worried."

McGonagall turned back to him. "Mr. Potter had some... issues deboarding the train. He is fine now."

Sirius sighed in relief and thanked Professor McGonagall for her time. She left with a swish of her cloak, the door closing softly behind her.

Sirius was in a state of panic. His mind kept replaying a prank that he and Prongs had pulled in their Fifth Year. He hoped that the Sorting Hat didn't have a long memory or he'd be screwed. Royally screwed. Hufflepuff screwed. Maybe the Hat wouldn't realize that he was really his "father," or the Hat would shove him into Hufflepuff with the duffers and goody-two-shoes. He couldn't imagine being a Hufflepuff. Everything from their name to their House color was stupid. Even their mascot was lame. There was always hope. Maybe the Hat would let him off easy with Ravenclaw. It still wouldn't be Gryffindor, but at least the Claws were respectable

"Excuse me." A little girl with a lightning blue ponytail was tugging on the sleeve of his robes. "Are you the Head Boy?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, I just transferred here. I'm going to be Sorted like the rest of you."

"What's the test? I heard we had to fight a basilisk," Sirius debated messing with the little girl for a moment, but decided against it. She looked scared enough. Besides, pranking First Years was beneath him.

"All you have to do is put on a hat. There's nothing to it," he said gently.

The girl looked relieved. "That's it?"

"That's it," Sirius replied with a smile. "I'll tell you a secret: If you ask nicely, the hat will let you choose which House you want to be in. But don't tell anyone, okay?"

The girl nodded, a giant smile plastered all over her face. "Thank you. You're nice. What House are you going to be in?"

"Gryffindor, I hope, where dwell the brave of heart."

"Then I'll ask the Hat to put me in Gryffindor, okay?" She asked shyly.

"Okay. I hope to see you there."

The little girl skipped away to join her friends, leaving Sirius to devolve back into panic mode. He couldn't believe this was happening. He never thought he'd have to put on the Sorting Hat again, especially after the prank he'd pulled. It was definitely worthy of a spot in the Marauder Hall of Fame, but he didn't think that the Sorting Hat would be amused.

Finally, McGonagall came back and ushered the First Years, plus Sirius, towards the Great Hall. Sirius was greatly relieved to see Harry sitting with Ron and Hermione, though he thought he saw blood on his shirt. Weird. He'd have to ask his friend what had happened during the feast. Assuming that he got Sorted into Gryffindor, which was nowhere near a sure thing. He'd be fine with anything but Hufflepuff. That would just be embarrassing.

It took forever for all of the little First Years to get sorted. He couldn't imagine that he'd ever been so tiny. The First Year girl with blue hair ended up going into Gryffindor, and she beamed at him before scurrying off to home of the brave.

Sirius looked back towards his friends. Harry and Ron were giving him a discreet thumbs up, though he was positive that they were sniggering at him behind their hands. He might have to whip up a pair of Babbling Belts… No, wait, he'd already told them about the belts. He'd come up with something even better. He always did.

Eventually, McGonagall rolled up her list and gave the floor to Professor Dumbledore. The Headmaster gave Sirius a wink before standing. "As you may have noticed, we have an additional student to Sort this year. Please give a warm Hogwarts welcome to Sirius Black! He'll be joining the Sixth Year students." The hall was immediately filled with whispers, though several girls erupted into wolf-whistles, Lavender among them. That was the Hogwarts welcome alright. Lots and lots of rumors followed by objectification. It was good to be home.

Dumbledore gestured towards the Hat, and Sirius moved forward, each step filling him with more dread. Sitting on the stool, Sirius placed the enormous hat on his head and the heavy fabric quickly fell over his eyes.

" _We meet again, Sirius Black. It's been awhile._ " The hat's gravelly voice echoed in his skull, filled with amusement.

" _Too long, I say. I've missed you._ " Maybe flattery would convince the Hat to give him mercy.

" _Flattery will get you nowhere. It seems like I control your fate, young Mister Black. Your little prank doesn't seem so funny now, does it?"_ The Hat's voiced was tinged with mischief. Sirius didn't like where this was going.

" _Nope. Not funny at all,"_ Sirius thought sincerely.

The hat scoffed. " _I can read your thoughts, Mr. Black._ "

" _Alright, it may have been a little funny,"_ Sirius admitted. " _But only a little. And I was punished! I had to scrub bedpans every night for two weeks. They nearly booted me off the Quidditch team!"_

" _I fail to see the humor in nicking me from the Headmaster's office, placing a Permanent Sticking Charm on me, then putting me on the second craziest House Elf this school has ever seen,"_ the Hat said acidly.

Sirius remembered the day clearly. It was halfway through their Fifth Year, and James had been bored, and Sirius had come up with the bright idea of pranking the Sorting Hat. So he and James had intentionally gotten busted repeatedly until a frustrated McGonagall sent them to the Headmaster's office for a stern talking to. The entire point was to get the password to Professor Dumbledore's office (Bertie Bott), and then break in the next time Dumbledore was out of his office. The pair watched the Marauder's Map carefully, and had broken in when Dumbledore had gone to breakfast. It was a perfect crime, except they had failed to account for the portraits in the Headmaster's office. Sirius didn't think he'd ever seen the Headmaster quite so angry.

" _Only the second? You wound me, Hat_."

" _Still a smartass, eh? Well I can fix that."_ Sirius cringed. _"Let's see, where to place you. Plenty of Gryffindor courage, though you value loyalty do you not?"_

" _Aww come on, not Hufflepuff. At least put me somewhere semi-respectable like Ravenclaw._ "

" _You do possess a sharp mind. You'd do well in Ravenclaw._ " Sirius sighed in relief. Maybe he'd get off easy. " _But then again, it did take them four days to get me off the blasted House Elf's head, so I think I'll put you in…_ "

" **SLYTHERIN!"**

 _Oh, bollocks._

* * *

 **A/N: And there's Chapter Four! I know it's a tad shorter than my normal chapters, but this was definitely the place to end it. Sirius, behind enemy lines. It's going to be fun... Stay tuned for Chapter 5: Professor Snivellus**


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